Update

The past

After pressure of work and health over the Summer and early Autumn I am now back and largely eager to get on with things. This does not mean that I have been idle, far from it, but I have not been having sessions as regularly as I used to. That has changed again thanks to better free time and a greater freedom to accommodate.

Just for those who had thought, or indeed hoped, that I had died, sorry to disappoint!

So, where to begin?

Andre

Andre has gone from strength to strength as my Alpha and we have tried new things, most notably Electro. In an earlier entry I had mentioned that it is something that we had both wanted to try, and thanks to the assistance of my mate Master Nick, were able to in early Summer. And it was good fun, especially in combination with toys (another Andre favourite), another barrier broken for both of us. Of course for Me and him there are many more, but also plenty of time in which to discover them. In the meantime he and I have had a few more sessions when we have been able to fit them in.

Natt and Fashion

That leads to Natt and the ‘Fashion Show’. Now, every so often bois ask you for favours, and this was one of them. Natt had arranged a Fashion Show at Central Station a few weeks ago and asked me to take part. Once I had stopped laughing it became clear he was serious and I agreed (well, it was for charity). In the end it was more like a revue than anything. I was, oddly, the only ‘man’ on stage: the rest were lesbians or trannies. The latter included Natt which made it harder to do any form of stage show, especially as I kept grabbing his hair and pulling the wig askew. I had not realised he had wanted to do something like this, or I would have brought a boi specifically dressed and primed for the role. I also stepped in last minute to cane an middle-aged tranny (whose partner failed to pitch up) and learned a lot in the dressing room about Basques (and I do not mean the sort from around Guernica). But, well, the audience seemed to like it, money was raised, and it was certainly a diverting evening.

Peter

In the audience was Peter. Now Peter in 19 but with a fairly sensible head on his shoulders, and we have known each other for nearly a year. It has become a very strong daddy/son relationship but he is edging towards wanting to be trained. Truth be told I am letting this one develop at its own pace: at that age it is just a matter of holding the doors open and seeing if they go in, pushing lads over the threshold rarely works. So this week he went to SM Gays night at The Hoist. I had some worries about this. Primarily, if it was a slow night, he may not like it. But, it was not a slow night (although I have been to better) and he loved it. Deliberately I had brought along no other bois (besides, Andre and Sean are out of the country and the other two were working) to allow me to be out of the Master role. The smoking ban also made it possible to come in fabrics rather than leather and not stink of smoke on the way home.
So I have told Peter that if he wants to come with me again he can, but on a Saturday he will have to come as a boi. Not sure that he is ready for that boi-space just yet but he is not too far away either. And, of course, there are other places to take him to as well. Another little revelation is the Hoist’s shop, where I managed to find some boots for Peter; all to the good.

The Future

Between now and Christmas I do not expect to take on any more bois: four is quite enough and some I know I have neglected. So, over the next month and a half it is going to be a matter of whipping three into shape and seeing what happens with Peter. Of course, if an offer I cannot refuse comes along…

M

Motives

Not for the first time, yesterday I was asked the ‘why?’ question. Admittedly this was from a guy who was totally closed-minded, who asked questions but did not want to understand or believe the answers but he was a bit of an extreme case. Often the more curious are pretty amenable to at least understanding this scene, even if it is not for them.

For me I always like to find out what motivates bois to want to get involved, try it out or why they have, in many cases, been doing this for years. In my head I divide these into motives that are ‘healthy’ and motives that are ‘unhealthy’.

Healthy motives for bois

1) A burning desire to serve

This seems to me to be the purest of motives. Instead of it being a part of a person’s life it is, in fact, their central informing idea. For guys driven by this motive it is certainly not just about sex, indeed that may often take second place to service in whatever form: the desire to be useful to a dominant guy is overwhelming. However this can easily tip over into obsession and people such as this can often come across as swivel-eyed loons. Nontheless, a boi with this desire is worth his weight in gold in my view. I know at least one boi who is motivated by this.

2) Fulfilling a kinkier side

Far more common than the first, lots of guys have interesting porn collections and what they regard as weird ideas at 3am. Often in a vanilla relationship and under the tyranny of mainstream gay culture it often bursts out when guys are in their 40’s. Whenever it finally escapes (and for many poor devils it is bottled up until the grave) they burst out and really want to get involved. Often this is not their exclusive interest, but something they have wanted to do for years. Again, it often tips over into trying to fulfil a long-held fantasy, which is often impossible to achieve and leads to disappointment. Fantasies are often best left in the head. This covers most of the bois I know.

3) Escapism

Lots of bois have high powered, responsible and stressful jobs. Badgered by bosses and employees, snowed under by spreadsheets and ‘power lunches’ there is no surprise that they simply want to let go. There are, of course, lots of ways to do this and some become bois. The feeling of liberation, that the rules are made for them and they are only responsible for their behaviour is a liberating psychological experience. Being a slave does involve pressure, but it is of a different, and often refreshing, kind. The main issue these guys have to face is squeezing things like this into their busy schedule. I know a couple of bois in this category.

Unhealthy motives

There are, of course, motives that I regard as unhealthy, such as…

1) Feeling the need to be punished

Now I knew bois like this existed and recently I met a boi who was intelligent enough to see that this may be why he was keen to try this scene. He was unsure of his motives and thought that, because he had made his life ‘complicated’ and was religious he was looking for a way to be punished for his misdemeanours. He at least recognised this as a danger, the unhealthy nature of it if it was true, and we both really hoped it was not. Others are not so perceptive and just want to be flogged and humiliated to expiate some sort of sin. Best avoided!

2) The wannabe fantasist

Generally new to the scene the fantasist wants to live out some sort of idea they have been having for some time. This, itself, is often the central problem: it is all about them. You can never be a good boi if it is all about you, but this type purely want to satisfy their own libido with the Master as purely an accessory, in many cases an unfortunate necessity, to the actual scene they have in mind. Best approach is to hire a hooker and do it rather try to convince some Master that you are really into the scene.

Master’s motives

I am less confident discussing Master’s motives because, well, I rarely have those sort of in-depth discussions. Certainly it is very well known that a lot of ‘Masters’ are insecure bullies hiding behind a raft of overconfidence. There are also examples of ‘Masters’ who are purely into non-consensual violence, breaking limits when a boi is vulnerable and occasionally putting them in hospital, causing psychological or emotional damage and often alienating them from the scene altogether. In all cases such ‘Masters’ should be exposed. In a more rationally ordered universe they would be shot at dawn.

My motives

So why do I do it? I guess there are two reasons that are really worth mentioning. The first one is that this is a scene that involves using your brain, your imagination, your judgement about human beings. It is fairly easy to get sex (if I wanted to simply fuck I would stay home and play with the boyfriend) but this is in some ways sex +. It offers and intellectual challenge linked to an erotic environment that I find hard to resist. The second one is that I like developing bois. Coaxing, cajoling, encouraging them to advance to even greater heights is a really worthwhile thing to do. It could be introducing a boi to something new, developing something that is currently in its infancy, or hitting on a different combination that creates a new sensation or degree of enjoyment. It is a form of satisfaction I have not really felt elsewhere and, again, I cannot really resist it.

I would be very interested in hearing from other Masters and bois as to what attracts them to this scene...

M

An open letter

In response to my last entry this was posted by Avis.

‘Avis said...
Listen mate...
Really don't understand why you're such a nasty-judgemental jerk?
I don't think we were ever introduced to each other personally so it's amazing how shallow you must be to make this kind of comments.
First of all my "deal" with Master is non of business and secondly he is a great guy, very carrying and by contraries to you he is just a nice person so maybe instead of bitching around like a stupid queen mind your own business and piss off.
Probably you will delete this message anyway.
"Avis" ‘


A response

Well, I have decided not to delete this message, rather confront it head-on. I would certainly not dream of deleting it as a journalist I sort of believe in freedom of speech It is also nice to know that my blog is both being read and having an impact!

So let’s start with some of the criticisms from Avis.

For a start Avis says this was not a business arrangement, and that he was not hired by the great guy in question. Unfortunately, and yes in my “judgement”, this actually makes things worse. The reason being that, if there was no commercial arrangement there is even less excuse for your Master to indulge in poor discipline. If you truly are his boi then he has done an appalling job in training you and showing you how to behave as a boi in a social environment.

This is, I hasten to add, not your fault. In the end there is no such thing as a bad boi, only a bad Master, and your training, demeanour and general behaviour is His responsibility. In short if you were not there as rent, His training and disciplining of you was sorely lacking, so much so that the opinion of people as well as me were ‘he’s rent’.

As for the more personal stuff, well, it is hardly worth considering. I have no expectations of making any personal comments about you, indeed I could not: we have, as you rightly intimate, never spoken. The one comment I will make is that I am being ‘judgemental’. Of course I am, in fact everyone is judgemental about appearance, personality, temperament: everything. The difference is I am prepared to do it on here and lay myself open to criticism.

The real deal

My substantive criticisms are not of you, but of the ‘great guy’. I am afraid I am not willing to believe that you were not rent, and the following still apply:

1) That going into the Master&slave room on Gaydar and claiming bois as your own when you have hired them is both untruthful and tragic.

2) Honesty is always the best policy.

Taking pretty bois on a chain to the Hoist to bolster a flagging ego is not particularly pleasant. Telling untruths about it is even less appealing. Getting bois, training them, putting in work, seeing the results of both your efforts is far more rewarding. So seeing bois by virtue of who you are, not by virtue of the contents of your wallet, is a far better route to respect and happiness.

Anyway: if you want to discuss this further please feel free to do so next time you see me at The Hoist. As Bob Hoskins famously said: “It’s good to talk”

M

Ridiculous to the Sublime

OK, so I went out twice this week, without malice of forethought it must be said, but there were reasons for this sudden burst of activity. Basically Natt is moving up to Scotland, and seems to want to pack in as much fun before leaving. He is only going for 2 months, officially, but may be up there longer.

Thursday (ridiculous)

Of course I had planned to be out on Thursday night for SM Gays. Again I had lots of friends coming, the Old Guard Household (or in moments of flippancy, knitting circle) was out, although not in full strength as Gareth, Simon and Andy were not able to come (Andy being in South Africa working on his tan…). Socially it was a good night. Lots of new people were there, like Natt’s friend Phil, but there were also people who I knew but had not met each other. So, from the ‘knitting circle’ perspective it was pretty rewarding.

However, from the point of view of action it was deathly boring. Partially because it was bondage (a naturally static event) but someone, somewhere, had taken the decision not to open the second arch after 10pm. This is the first time this year I have been to an SM Gays night when this has not happened. So with all of us crowded into the first arch it got hot and smoky, it was also brightly lit. So not much action was going to take place in the first arch, but by not opening the second the atmosphere was totally changed. We all buggered off as a group around 11, having generally said everything there was to say and not able to do much else.

(As an aside, the Master mentioned in the ‘Alpha’s Night Out’ entry was there again with Avis. I am told the poor boy was being paid silly money and has said to his client that he will not be going there again. He is actually quite a sweet lad, not into the scene as he is happy to say he is only doing it for the money. I hold my breath waiting to see his replacement).

Saturday (sublime)

If Thursday was dull, Saturday was fun. Admittedly I got there later than usual, having met up with Natt and Phil where they work but they did not finish until midnight. Phil is clearly keen, but pretty novice (for example he put his collar on the wrong way around) so I had fun putting him through a few presents, correcting some of his habits and behaviour. It was actually quite fun, treated Natt and Phil to some CP (hand only) and later in the evening tested out Phil’s bootlicking skills.

When we left it was all back to mine for more fun and frolics, good enough to ensure that I did not really wake up until 2pm. In short I have offered to take on Phil as a trainee, but have told him to go off and think about it. It is generally a bad move to have pre-existing friends join the same stable, but with Natt off to Scotland it makes more sense. Of course he may decline, which would be a shame but is always an option.


Meanwhile I am back on the hunt again, looking for a replacement for Natt: a slave who is available and geographically close enough to be a regular ‘club boi’. It will probably take longer to find one than it will for Natt to come back!

M

OW! That *%$£^&@ hurt!

My opinion of Pain

Pain seems to be considered axiomatic with the Master & slave scene. Indeed for those outside the scene it often looks like that is all the scene consists of. As one lad said to me: “that’s a very brutal scene isn’t it?” Well, here is a little secret: I do not like inflicting pain.

For a start I am not a sadist. Many, if not most, self-styled Masters are. Indeed that is often all they are, but describing yourself as a Master sounds far better than admitting that you are a sadist. Equally many slaves are masochisists, again often exclusively so. You see them on Gaydar, saying that they need to be ‘punished’. When asked what for the response is as if you asked for moon rock.

Which leads on to the second reason: punishment. Now I tend to differentiate between pain from sources such as TT and CBT (slow, persistent and controlled) and CP. The former I will happily do as part of trying different combinations of activities on bois. But flogging, spanking, lashing and so on I tend to reserve for punishments. Now as punishments are not meant to be enjoyable, logically, I have no real interest in bois who are masochists or ‘like pain’.

Punishments

I do like dishing out punishments. This is different from dishing out pain. When it comes to CP I am really turned on by a submission of a boi to the pain, being thanked for each stroke, the grovelling and begging involved trying to reduce the punishment or avoid it altogether. It is the actual inflicting bit that does nothing for me. It is also, in my opinion, a bit too much of an easy way out for a Master to reach for the lash, so I limit myself to 20 strokes in one session, and one session every 24 hours as a rule. This forces you to be inventive about looking for other methods, such as ignoring a boi, making him eat something he dislikes, sitting on an uncomfortable toy for a certain amount of time and so on. I am not averse to inflicting CP, but do not expect the boi to enjoy it, and I certainly would not be interested in doing it gratuitously.

Questions from bois

You often get questions or statements from bois, such as:

1) “I don’t like Pain”

Good. I do not want you to actually like it! Ideally you would be willing to submit to it as part of a punishment regime, light, moderate or heavy. Often it is a progression with bois starting light and gradually being able to take more. Besides, it would not do for a boi to get used to the pain.

2) “Please punish me, I have been bad”

OK. What have you done? Besides, punishments are not all about CP. If a boi has been bad it is up to a Master to keep a varied set of punishment options so the boi does not know what he is going to get. If you just want CP then say so.

3) “I love being fucked after being punished”

Fine. You might like it but you are not guaranteed to get it.

4) “I do not want any pain, will this stop me being a slave?”

Not at all: S&M is not Master & slave. If you make pain a limit then a Master will decide whether to take you on, as he may regard pain as central to what he does. I do not, although submission to it is welcome, and I have a few bois on a regular/irregular basis who have ‘no pain’ as a limit.

Pain is a complex thing, and it is something that, again, highlights that all bois are different. I get strange reactions from Masters when I say that I do not like inflicting pain, as if I just landed from another planet, but it is true. I enjoy the act of submission, the efforts bois make to avoid it and being thanked for the lesson afterwards: but not the pain bit. It is also why I am not interested in bois who ‘enjoy’ CP. CP to me is always a punishment, and how can you punish a boi by doing something he enjoys?

M

Update

Although there has not been one single event happening recently, there have been several smaller ones over the past few days that probably need blogging: my life has, after all, not come to an absolute halt. But all of last week was pretty quiet as the boyf was going away so it was ‘his’ week. Now I have the place to myself until the 10th of May, and intend to take advantage of it.

Nathaniel

The first thing that needs mentioning is Nathaniel: a boi of some history. I had first been in touch with Nathaniel about two years ago and arranged a meet for a vanilla session. Well, I got hopelessly lost and it never happened. He is, in point of fact, the only person I arranged to meet on Gaydar and never did. Despite this we have stayed in touch and recently found out that I was ‘into’ all of this. Turns out that he was interested although inexperienced, so this time we arranged another meet and this time I did not get lost. We had a fun time: an initial session on Saturday afternoon to go through the basic presents and etiquette before an evening trip to The Hoist.

I have to say that it was an odd evening there. Whilst Nathaniel was changing I asked the doorman and he said there were over 220 guys in there: this was at 11pm. And it was busy inside, although the crowd was very different from a usual Saturday night: after all it was Easter weekend. Despite being an ‘Oi Oi’ night there were precious few skins and I recognised about half a dozen people, knew about one. Nathaniel actually ran in to someone he knew who said that he ‘looked the part’ which did wonders for his self-confidence as a boi. I spent the night at his place, which was closer, and I am looking forward to a somewhat harder session in the near future.

Nathaniel should also be along at SM Gays next week, but as he is going to be bringing along some ‘curious’ mates I have said that coming in civvies would be best: it would make his mates more comfortable.

Another coffee meet

Then later on it was a meet for coffee with another prospective boi. In an hour long chat as usual it managed to break the ice (innocuous talk about trains) and then onto the more substantive stuff. I have to say that after this meet I am in two minds about things. There was a lack of chemistry, certainly on my side of the house, but it is sometimes hard to tell in a non-sexual environment. I am certainly happy to see where it goes and maybe this boi comes alive with his clothes off and a collar on: some are like that. So we have a tentative date set for the Monday…

Andre’s session

So Tuesday was Andre’s last session before his holiday. Unhappy that he had missed out on Saturday night we had a long two and a half hours of constructive sleaze, introducing new elements we had discussed and pushing older ones further. So with a combination of yellow, toys, bondage, bootlicking and CP he got a more comprehensive session than he had been subjected too before. I have to say that I could not be happier with how he is developing, his desire to experiment and his intelligent approach. Also his appearance at the last SM Gays has turned a few heads, which built up his ego a bit: this session allowed me to put that into perspective, shall we say…

Odds and sods

There are a few other straws in the wind. Notably the Master I mentioned in the Alpha’s Night Out entry has recognised himself and decided to extract his revenge on Gaydar by pvt-ing lads and ‘warning’ them about me: although on what grounds I am not clear. Equally he, and a few of his more gullible patsies, seem keen to have me banned from the site, again, on what grounds I am at a loss to say. I will keep my eye on this with wry amusement. Meanwhile I should be meeting another boi who I have met a few times before in a non-leather context early next week. Watch this space.

M

Busted

I was going to put up a post today about pain and punishment, but last night something quite rare happened. I managed to stick it to one of the timewasters.

This character on Gaydar goes by the name of gayjonnylondon and I had arranged to meet him one afternoon in the city centre. This is a journey of about an hour for me all told. I had his number so I sent him some texts on the way there, no response. I got to Comptons (where I usually meet bois for drinks) and waited for half an hour, no show. Got back, message on Gaydar; no response. Not entirely typical, but behaviour like this really damages the really genuine guys looking for meets.

But last night, with a chum online, we flushed him out. He came into the Master&slave room. My mate flushed him out, and then I stepped in…he was totally befuddled. He was already chatting to my mate; he had no idea who he was so he could not ignore me without looking like a complete idiot. So he was baffled as to who my mate was and admitted to standing me up. Did not apologise for this but he was, as another guy mentioned in the room, ‘busted’.

It is, admittedly, a flaw in my character that I bear grudges, something I possibly inherited from my grandfather. So it may sound a little petty that I indulged in this. But there is a serious side. There are guys out there who want to meet on a genuine basis, and the more timewasters there are out there the more they damage their prospects.

Now all I have to do is the same to pussyguy1979…

M

Absolute Beginners

I have been asked by bois so many times about what I do it is getting a bit wearisome repeating myself. Not their fault, for them it is all fresh, but for me it is so damn repetitive. So here is the outline of how I deal with new bois, in the hope that they will read this rather than just let me ramble on.

The Basics

Before I really talk about physical acts there is the basic behaviour and training that all bois are expected to know. In short this is all the protocol, etiquette and presents. These are not going to kill you to learn and are totally non-sexual, which is not to say they are not erotic. If any boi questions the need for this then I am happy to explain why a disciplined model of behaviour is a necessity. If a boi says “this is not for me” then I have no interest at all. Bois should be disciplined individuals who show respect and deference to their Master, not sloppy, slovenly and disrespectful. Providing and enforcing a disciplined structure is part of that basic set of building blocks. So initial training is all about getting this framework in place and making sure the boi knows it.

After this, before even putting on a collar, a boi is to set out four lists: Limits, Punishments, Rewards and Education.

Limits

When you get on to discussing physical acts this is the most crucial. All bois are different, but for a Master the key facts before commencing any scene are the knowledge of a slave’s limits. These are, in my book, inviable. A boi is encouraged to list here any physical act that he does not want to do, or have done to him, ever. Of course things can be taken off this list by the boi, but ideally never added to except by one route that I will mention later on. I never trust a boi who says: ‘no limits’. Everyone has limits, and I am certainly not titillated by any boi who thinks that claiming he has none is somhow a good thing.

Punishments

Punishments are there to correct behaviour. They are not there to be enjoyed. If a boi enjoys a punishment you defeat the object, which is to react to mistakes and bad behaviour by doing something to the boi he does not like. This could be physical, such as a form of CP, or TT or CBT. Equally it could be forcing a boi to imbibe something: my Alpha boi hates spam, for example, so to punish him I sometimes require him to eat it. There is also the ultimate sanction of being ignored. A boi wants to please his Master, and denial of service is a harsh punishment for really serious bois. There are other forms of punishments, such as being fucked or similar by a boi lower down in the pecking order.

Rewards

Conversely, to run parallel with the Punishments are the Rewards. This is something that the boi really likes. Some bois are rewarded simply by the ability to serve, of course, but I do like the` ability to do something to the boi that he really likes if he has done something very well, behaved with excellence or generally just shone. This, too, is different from boi to boi. Some love to be fucked by their Master as it is his attention that is focussed on the boi and it is also the provision of service. Others like to receive oral, so another boi may be required to do that for him. Some like ass-stretching, others just want to have their hair stroked or be allowed to sit on furniture for a bit. So Rewards and Punishments run together: do well, you get a reward, do badly, you are punished: a simple and logical structure.

Education

This is generally the most intriguing, because it is all about the unknown. A boi can tell me before taking on a collar that he ‘would like to try’ or ‘has always wondered if…’ relating to a specific thing. It may be something very basic, like TT. It may be something that takes time and effort, like wanting to be fisted. Equally I often weigh up a boi and decide that we need to try something new, based on my judgement that he would respond well to a particular thing. Exploring a boi, developing him, pushing him to greater efforts and watching him grow is one of the most stirring things about this scene. This is why I hate one-offs: there is no scope for development and training, and that is one of the aspects of this scene that I truly enjoy.

M

Alpha’s Night out

A Group

As I said in my last entry it could have all gone horribly wrong, planning for Thursday’s SM Gays night. I had tried to create some form of critical mass, Dennis and his boi Will, Gareth and his boi, Simon, Peter, Nick and whoever else turnedup. I had hoped to take along my Apha boi, Andy and Adam, who I had been dealing with intensively online. Equally there were some other bois who I had spoken to who I had no real expectations of, but ‘might’ pitch up.

In the end it more or less went as planned: except Adam who did not pitch. More about him in another entry I think. But everyone else showed up and we were able to make a nice little group. For Gareth, Andy and Simon it was their first time at The Hoist, for myself and others we were veterans. But it was deliberate of me to choose a Thursday: relaxed, less crowded but with more things to see.

Taking in the sights

For Andy it was as much an experiment than anything else as part of his crabwise move into the lifestyle. As such an SM Gays night is a good starting point as there are so many unusual kinks and fetishes present that you usually do not get at a weekend. This provided endless visual amusement for Simon and Andy in particular: large numbers of older guys into football kit seemed to be in evidence (clearly memories of Geoff Hurst abounded) but as it was also masks and mummification there were a few guys who had been experimented on. In particular one guy mummified, lashed to a pillar and with a werewolf mask on gave even me raised eyebrows.

Simon, Will and Andy thankfully managed to retain straight faces in the presence of extreme provocation, but it was all part of what I consider as a learning process: you have to start somewhere and whatever floats your boat is ok by me. On the other hand I cannot help reacting with bemusement to some of the less flattering approaches. That and some fun later meant that Andy certainly enjoyed his first visit, and another looks on the cards.

"Avis"

But our greatest amusement and criticism was reserved for a Master and his boi. This Master is well known for hiring his bois and then popping up on Gaydar claiming that they are his. Sad, really, but in Thursday night’s case it was even worse. For a start it was clear that the boi was rent: he slouched, was badly dressed, had no sense of respect (self or otherwise) and his body language was terrible. Compared to Will, Simon and Andy he looked, frankly, terrible. No matter how cute he was there was no escaping the fact that he looked like a total amateur. Now in my view a boi and his behaviour is a reflection of his Master, so despite being cute this boi could only bring shame and disapprobation on he guy who had hired him. Equally, in my view, he looked less cute, and was far less striking or attention grabbing than any of the three bois in our group. Indeed later, in the second arch where I took Andy for a little play, the ‘onlookers’ were far more impressed with Andy’s responses to my stimuli than they were to his.

Andy nicknamed him ‘Avis’. This seemed appropriate. What was even more disappointing was that, with a couple of hours work and the right clothes this boi could have looked really good, if the desire was there and the effort put in. If this is the way he wants to earn money a bit of time, effort and investment would go a long way.

Daniel

Andy left at 11pm. This was an hour later than anticipated because he got a bit carried away in the second arch and in the end I told him he ought to leave, before we risked trouble from his partner back home. After he left Daniel approached me: one of the bois that ‘might’ have turned up. Actually he had arrived at 10.30 but seen Andy and myself occupied in the second arch had ‘not wanted to interrupt’. So we had time for a chat but little else, a chat that continued after we left as I accompanied him to the bus he needed to take. A possibility, Daniel, and one willing to actually turn up: a true novelty

Success?

Andy felt that it had been a success, and in many ways it was true. But it was a slow night and I felt that the atmosphere was not as charged as usual: perhaps it was because the theme was gags and mummification it attracted more ‘watchers’ than ‘actors’ but, still, Alpha had a good time, I had a good time…the first of many I hope.

M

Frenetic Friday

Ok, it was just the late afternoon and evening but still…it was a full enough day.

Twice in a week, am I dreaming?

I had arranged a session for Friday with T again. It was to be his second domestic session and the final one before I decided if he was ready to join the stable full time. As the day drew on I had also been chatting on MSN to Andre, who wanted to nbe called A as a boi. I was happy to finally persuade him to take the role of Alpha. I had been angling for this for a while, and although he has his restrictions he has more than enough benefits in his favour to rub those out: intelligent, good looking and subby with a very hungry hole. Equally he has been my longest serving boi who I have gradually introduced to the lifestyle. He may yet decide that it is not for him, but I think if that decision is made it will be one that will be made for him.

So, A and T were both going to play: A would have his first experience as acting as Alpa, and T would be playing with another boi: so more tests and challenges. It went along generally as I had pictured it in my mind: a two hour session. After T had helped A shower I took them both into my room. A assumed a doggie position on the bed and I instructed T to rim him out. Once moistened he was lubed and I began with some fingers and then my smallest toy, T found this rather awe inspiring, asking A if it hurt and whether he was ok. Well, A moans and writhes in an interesting way but T was mistaking pleasure for pain.

Then we moved to the idea I had in my head. I tied A and T together in the same position at wrists and ankles so both holes were pointed in my direction. I tied the other wrists and ankles to the bed. I continued with the small toy with A whilst I lubed and fingered T. A brief rest whilst I cleaned the small toy and then got A’s larger one. Having got them both to lick and kiss their toys I effectively did a chariot on both of them. A moaned and groaned magnificently, whilst trying to encourage T to take more and make more noise. This scene went on for 12 minutes, I had intended to go on for 15, but T cracked…he could take no more pounding.

I unchained/untied them both, and T went to the loo…I was able to take A in for the first time and he looked very fine. To end the session we both came in T’s mouth, but A wanted a second go, so I fingered him a bit and he came again…The next step with A is more one-on-one training and a trip to buy some kit. I expect to have him ready for SM Gays on the 15th.

Meet at 8…

I was rushing a bit at the and as I was meeting a prospective boi later that evening for a coffee and a chat. I told T to go off and have a think, saying I was prepared to take him on, but he needed to have think about whether this was what he wanted. In the meantime I met this possible lad, called J. Bright, cute and subby, he seems ideal material. Non-anal but very oral I can think of numerous things that he can do nontheless. Remember, dear reader, that all bois are different and the challenge is finding them all a role to play. So, in his case I am very confident that he is ready to take the next step: a short controlling and training session next week looks likely.

And today..?

Well, the boi who I have been working on through MSN (see earlier posts) has finally got over his computer problems and we again had another of our marathon conversations. He is keen to get himself a PA sorted out this month too. So, the way things are shaping up looks better than they have for a long while. If I can get A, J and this boi stable and sorted I will be well placed to move on. There are others in the picture too: Michael will always be a welcome visitor from Manchester, T may decide he wants to come on board which will be a welcome addition, and there are other bois out there too who have also said they are interested in meeting up ‘sometime’. Of course it may all go horribly wrong by next week, but at the moment I can look forward to some good times and hard, but productive, work.

M

We happy few

A productive meeting

Last night I was out having a social meeting with a Master and his boi. Both are in the process of trying to introduce the Master/slave lifestyle into their current relationship. This is always a tough thing to do: a lot of the previous habits have to be discarded, and new ones put in their place whilst, at the same time, maintaining the cohesion of the relationship. A tough call in any circumstance.

This pair clearly had many things in their favour. Firstly they clearly loved each other and were very close, the Master indeed finding it hard not to indulge his boi and, as he said at one point ‘not treat him like some form of chattel’. This cropped up in a discussion about ‘loaning’ out bois, but as I pointed out, He makes the rules for his boi, and if he wants His boi to be exclusive to him, or put constraints upon his activities when he is loaned out, well, that is His choice. He is the boss after all.

So we went through a whole range of stuff for over two and a half hours, from etiquette and protocol in public to what they want to do between themselves. My point of view was simple: the Master and boi should know the rules and regulations, and in a public space like The Hoist, be more attuned to them, after all they are on show and the boi is a reflection of his Master’s training and attitude. But, in other circumstances, take what they see fit from the menu of rules and if needs be make up their own. After all, they need to make their relationship work and any rules imposed should be to help that along, not hinder it.

Master’s pressure

It is far harder to be a Master than a boi, and this came out in this discussion. The Master felt that he was just getting over the need to keep His boi busy doing things at all times, but that He sometimes still felt the pressure to do so. This is a clear trap that many couples fall into. In a fixed-time session it is possible to do that. Before a session starts I like to have a checklist in my head of things for the boi to do and alternate between ‘hard’ things (like tt, ass-stretching etc) and softer things like leather care, cleaning or cooking. The longer the session the more changes in tempo you need to have.

In a 24/7 relationship this is impossible. In this Masters case, as He said, some days He would come home from work and have no energy to do anything. At this stage it is the boi who needs to step in, and this is why bois should not have all initiative crushed. The boi could offer his Master a massage, or just leave Him to unwind and do things that he knew needed doing so that his Master would notice them later and (hopefully) be pleased.

Long road but?

It is a long and hard road that this couple have chosen. The boi is now writing his own blog (http://www.slaveboi07.blogspot.com/) and I am sending what other bois I can to read this. It is a matter of information and support. There are so few of us who are prepared to put in the time and effort that we simply have to support each other. It comes back to the notion of a Household that I was discussing with Dennis and I also chatted with this pair about: as a support structure for Masters and bois so they could discover more, feel less isolated and be supported by like minded people. The more that I think about it, the more I find it a necessity. It may be a long road for this pair, but happiness is already there and, with luck, support and a fair wind, there is more to come. I personally wish them well and will do everything I can to support them.

M

Six hours…a pleasing day

Planning, and T

Ok, so I gave in. I decided to give T another chance. He had not turned up the previous Thursday but he had the best of reasons and that meant that I was softer on him. He was also due to start 2 weeks holiday, so I could entertain him at home on Monday…so if he did not show again I was still at home able to work. To me this sounded like a plan.
T has been desperate to get back into my favour since I let him go. Dennis has been doing a lot of work with him and he is much more confident than he was before. He has also resiled from his previous silly statements about Dror and I, and the period in the wilderness seems to have had an effect on him. So, well, I decided to see what he could really do.

I also had a bonus that morning. Nick called me and asked me if anything was happening. Now Nick is the younger Master I mentioned and here was an opportunity to see him in action as well as T. So I asked him over, and he said he could stay until around 3.30.

Nick’s 90 minutes

I picked T up at the station, bought him lunch, had a chat. Then back to the flat, stripped him and put the red training collar on him. Then it was blindfold him and chain him to the radiator while I collected Nick. Returning, after brief introductions, I handed T over to Nick, sat back in my chair, and watched.

I watched both with some care. T was, after all, my responsibility, and I also wanted to see where Nick was developing. Well, lets just say the emphasis was upon pain rather than control or humiliation. A lot off tt, in fact. Heavier and heavier chains being put on him, with some cbt and restraint too. T was finding it painful, but he took it: later he said he took it for me, which was where his mind should have been. He sucked Nick a bit, licked my (unworn) boots a bit, all the time carrying the weights and the pain. Nick also administered 20 blows from his tawse, which T had earned through various misdemeanours.

To finish off I asked Nick to fuck him, which he did, and then T kissed and licked his arse: I insisted on this as his thank you to Nick for all the time and effort he had put in. I chained and blindfolded T again and took Nick back to the station. We discussed T’s strengths and weaknesses, and generally concluded that, like most bois, his mental limits were way too cautious as compared to his physical ones. In other words he could take more than he thought he could with the appropriate coaxing and guidance.

Through until 8

After that fairly intense session it was time for a gentler pace, although still strict on the control side. So he cleaned my Leather gear, and did fairly well and so was rewarded with some bootlicking. Then he prepared and served me a meal…Now I rapidly discovered that T cannot really cook a great deal, but that is part of the process, learning how to serve, and the end result was not too bad. So, I gave him a stuffed pepper from my plate and relaxed while he washed up and cleaned the kitchen.

Then it was back to the harder stuff again…Into be bedroom where he was heavily toyed and stretched. He again took this reasonably well: he has a tight hole which clearly needs work, and a couple of fingers and the smaller dildo was more than enough for him at one session. Then he took my cock, took my cum (every last drop, boi) and then relaxed. There was a final 22 penalty points to go, and I must admit to being harsh here. I reached for the lash despite generally only handing out 20 in a 24 hour period. But T had been such a chore in the past that he probably deserved this additional session. He grovelled and begged not to have it, but not really well enough in my view, so he got 12 as opposed to 20.

Where next?

Well, I told him after we had ended that at least one more session was needed before I came to a decision. That night, on Gaydar chat, he mad a bit of an idiot of himself (more pp in the book for that) and clearly needs more discipline if I do take him back. He has potential, of that there is no doubt, but I am still in two minds. He will have to work hard indeed to wipe out the sins of the past. It is just a matter of whether he wants to.

M

A dull Thursday: and I don’t care…

I thought I would wait until today to blog Thursday’s activities for reasons that will become apparent. Suffice it to say, I was going to be meeting three bois and this young Master again that night and ended up seeing none of them. Hardly the best of results truth be told…

3 bois in a fountain.

Ok, so there was no fountain. One boi did not turn up and later said he had ‘flu, another because he had a ‘friends crisis’ to sort out and the third was, well, just odd. The trouble is that you get so many excuses and no-shows via Gaydar that it is very difficult to give credence to anything anyone says anymore. But you cannot let the timewasters and prats take over, there are enough genuine people out there who should not be damaged by the irritating actions of the few.

Of the three I had to handle Thursday, well, I believe one, totally disbelieve another and the third has to be somewhere in the middle I guess. What irked me most was this idea of having to go to the bar for myself! Terrible. Well, the next time I am going to be out at The Hoist is a week on Saturday, but I have told myself that I am not going without a boi in tow again.

Oh, and the Master? He had some work (a client) that night. As the only one to actually text me in advance I am not in the least critical of him…

What else…?

So, a bit of play with a subby German bear, which my heart was not really in, and the evening with Dennis, who is always good company. Later that evening I got home and, whilst I was having a coffee and winding down got a Gaydar message from a couple of slaves saying they had seen me in The Hoist and would I ‘be their Master?’ Well, nice to be asked but they were both out of my age range and had 11 Masters already. I certainly did not wish to make up the dozen and so I declined. Still, that, and the free drink from The Hoist for myself and Dennis went some way to offset the evening but there was, and continues to be, another reason.

Promising boi?

Well, I have been chatting to this boi on MSN for the past week on a very regular basis. It is a mutual thing, not me simply pursuing him, and boy is he gorgeous, and boy is he promising. On placement at the moment he will be back in London in a week and I cannot wait to meet him. Not looking for a boyfriend, but looking to be owned and have a mentor and guide to help him discover more about himself. I am desperately trying not to jinx this or get too enthusiastic (as you fall into another trap then), but it is currently looking very good and, well, watch this space. That said the hunt for bois in London goes on, as ideally I want three, but you do not always get what you wish for, indeed it can be bloody dangerous at times.

M

Does age tell?

The ageist scene

This is a scene that is definitely ageist, and I am as guilty as the rest. From my perspective I do have an age limit: 40, but it is not fixed in stone. But, I confess, I do have trouble dealing with slaves that are considerably older than me. That said I also have an issue with bois that are very young. Although I am happy to have bois under 25 they are often less broad minded and often do not know what they really want: 25 to 35 is my ideal range.

Nontheless there are exceptions to prove the rule, both under 25’s who are sorted and know what they want, and guys over 40 who I am comfortable with despite my childhood upbringing of ‘respect your elders’. But, more unusually, it works more harshly both ways than I have seen in other scenes.

The older slave

There are a lot of older bois on the scene. Some have been slaves since Noah was a boy and have a vast fund of experience. This, in itself, can be quite daunting for a Master of whatever age as the feeling of always being measured against things in the past is always in your mind. Of course the older slave is often happy enough to be played with in whatever fashion. Then there are the older slaves who have ‘just gotten into it’. Often they have suppressed a whole raft of feelings for many years: either because of personal shame or fears or because they had a partner who they were convinced would ‘not understand’. Then, released from one lot of bondage they want to try another. It is this group that I feel most sorry for because it can be hard for them to explore themselves properly because Masters, even those in their 50’s and older, generally want younger bois. Though some Masters are more enlightened, others just want to have pretty bois.

The younger Master

But for the younger Master, under 30, the boot is often on the other foot. I know I struggled greatly before I reached 30, and I was speaking to a younger Master yesterday in Comptons who is 30 this year and cannot wait. He feels that his age is an obstacle because most bois, even those in their 20’s want a Master that is older: unless they are just massaging their libido of course. Now I am back in the scene, and 35 this year, I have noticed a change in that regard: more interest, although not necessarily from the right quarters. So he may be right, the expectation being that, by this age, I should have gained enough experience not to make a pigs breakfast of things and know a thing or two. Still, that said, I know I still have a lot to learn: electrical is still a closed book to me, and cbt is another dark region yet to be explored. I will probably stop learning when I am dead.

M

Good Weekend #2

The trouble with Michael

The Friday night I had allowed Michael to sleep in my bed, in his collar of course, but as I was well aware that it would be the floor Saturday night I was feeling generous. He said to me as I was trying to drift off: “I don’t think I am really cut out for being a slave.” It was not, to be frank, what I wanted to hear.

We talked a little while that night, but he was tired and so was I. It was clear that what he was doing was out of duty, respect, pride even, but there was no enthusiasm there. To give him his due he carried on, in fact given his character there was no expectation of anything else. A further chat later Saturday morning drew out more: basically this boi needed to be doing it out of love.

I had been getting mixed messages. At one stage on Friday he had committed an infraction, and I told him that I was very disappointed in him. For a slave this is a real criticism, and he later admitted that he was crushed. He looked it at the time, apologised profusely and you could feel the relief when I forgave him: these are classic slave reactions. But equally he hated cleaning his boots, for example. He was quite prepared to admit he had been pampered and could not cope with the 2 km walk back from Sainsbury never mind anything else. In other words he simply could not cope with the whole package.

Michael and Paul

Now I had wanted to get Michael and Paul together for a couple of reasons. But an unexpected bonus was a long chat they had on the way to the Hoist on Saturday night. Here were two intelligent lads coming at the issue from very different angles. For Paul, and it is all on his website, adopts a classical US-based approach. For Michael it is informed by his Chinese culture and the approach is different. The results though are, by and large, the same. But Paul too came to the conclusion that what Michael really wanted was a dominant boyfriend, not a Master.

Like me he was also disappointed by Michael’s decision. He too saw great potential in him: not that Michael does not have a considerable array of trained skills already. That both he and Paul got on so well together, bonded so quickly and it was such good fun, in all aspects of the weekend, just makes it even more irritating that it may be the only time I can get them both together.

The trouble with Paul

If that was not enough I may be saying goodbye to Paul too. He has applied to work for the three poor little rich kids up in Sheffield or somewhere as their ‘slave’, I put it in inverted commas as, from what I can find out, it is more Houseboi + kink. Anyway, in all meaningful senses it would probably be goodbye there too. But it is, from some angles I suppose an attractive proposition, no argument there.

The future: cloudy with some possible sunny spells

Now if I was in Manchester I would be laughing. Lots of bois seem to be looking for Masters up there, I have had several approach me and there are more that I could approach. In London: oh God. I don’t know what it is, but there just does not seem to be the interest, the material, or even the curiosity. Now I am quite willing to assume that it is just me, but I have had at least three Masters say the same or similar. No wonder we are ‘importing’ from outside the Greater London area.

But, given the above and the fact that I cannot move anyway geographically my choices are slim: find a good boi or two in London and have occasional visitors, just have the occasional visitors, or give up and go home. Well, as I promised myself on January 1st: one year. On January 1st 2008, well, if I have not found what I want it is back in my box, probably for another four years at least.

M

Good Weekend #1

Intro

Well, lets start by saying this weekend was a really enjoyable one, for me at least. But it was tainted by a sense of sadness that I still cannot shake off. But, as it was a long and involved few days I have decided to split it into two, otherwise it would be a long rather rambling post. I have decided to do the happy, superficial bit first…

The Longest Session

Well, for over 5 years anyway…I had invited Michael down from Manchester last weekend. I had, as you know, been very impressed with him online and at The Hoist. Dror announced that he was going to stay with friends on Friday and so it was going to be a long session: from his arrival on Friday afternoon until Dror’s reappearance Saturday evening. It would be reinforced by the arrival of Paul Saturday afternoon. In the evening I was going to take both to The Hoist, say farewell Sunday.

And that is pretty much what happened. I was apprehensive about such a long session. I had not done one that long in over 5 years and was more than a little worried that the rust patches would show. But I had some ideas in my head of what needed to be done, and what I ought to get Michael to do: a combination of domestic chores, leather care, bondage, cp and sex. My plan was to keep ringing the changes. Ultimately I was gearing him up for the arrival of Paul to be fucked by that nice big tool of his. As Michael is rather tight, this involved some preparation on Friday…

Also, as we went to collect Paul, Michael elected to keep his collar on and stay in role, with informal etiquette and all. We had been out briefly before to get food Friday night sans collar and he had not done too well. He is also a pampered rich kid, so walking back to my flat with all the shopping was as much as he could bear, almost as bad as him having to polish his own boots (untouched for 4 years – terribly slack). But, meeting Paul on Saturday, collar hidden by a scarf, he did very well indeed.

Then that afternoon I was able to engineer the final act before Dror returned. Again he performed well, as did Paul who can go on for hours, and I still smile now at the memory of them both. This is, I add, heightened by the bonding that took place between them ver the weekend: both in role and outside it. They had begun to trust and understand each other in role, and gang up and tease me, and bitch at each other, out of role. It was a very good thing to see: both were getting on great.

The Hoist

So, the Saturday night it was off to The Hoist. I have to confess that I was very proud that night. They looked the part, they lived the part. I could not have wished for better. Both saw a bit of action that night too, with each other and with other people. I had to go off to see the Hoist management about something and left them to their own devices: Paul in an Alpha role. I knew that when I came back they would be up to something and sure enough, there they were, Paul screwing a guy while Michael sucked him off. But, again, as soon as I arrived they stopped, came along with me unquestioningly (leaving their charge gawping and frustrated: I love the exercise of Power) and we found action elsewhere. Michael is a good cocksucker, and I granted permission for one guy to be pleasured by him and he got some good compliments for that. Always what you want to hear is that, that your bois are good at what they do, and it saves you the trouble of punishing them afterwards. I also got Michael to use his other undoubted talent, beard sucking, on Dennis, who was rather fulsome in his praise afterwards. The pair certainly impressed him, and a few other Masters who were there complimented me on their deportment, demeanour and behaviour. Well, swelled with pride how could I not look on those two bois with the dignity and respect they deserved.

Goodbye

More teasing, bonding, bitching and general nonsense on the way home, a bit more action in the morning and then off, the pair of them: Paul back home, Michael to see a prospective boyfriend (more of that in another post). Looking back on it now it was a great weekend for me and they seemed to enjoy themselves too, whilst Dror gave me the space I needed to feel more confident about the six days I need to be ‘on duty’ in Berlin in April. It just nags at me that, it was so much fun, it may also be they only time it will happen that way, but more of that in another post.

M

Pride and Punishment

Punishment and discipline: difference

Although the words in general are often used interchangeably, I try to impart some difference:

• Discipline: the imposition of a set of rules and regulations.
• Punishment: the penalty imposed for the infraction of these rules and regulations.

Probably due to me liking clear boundaries, I try to maintain this distinction in terminology. So discipline constrains and directs bois towards particular types of behaviour and away from others, and punishments are there to ensure that they are adhered to.

Punishments: what are they?

The only iron law that I adhere to is that punishments should not be enjoyable. The fear and dislike of being punished are vital to ensure that a slave adheres to the disciplinary rules that the master expects them to follow. As such punishments are different for slaves. If a slave enjoys CP then it is no use reaching for the lash in order to instil a lesson. Instead a Master must use his imagination and ring the changes in punishments. This prevents a slave from bratting or being able to predict what sort of punishment they will get. So, for example, I have one boi who hates spam: can’t stand it. But it won’t kill him so when he earns a penalty point (more of which later) he has to eat a cube of spam.

Penalty Points

I operate a penalty point system, handing them out to slaves so they know where they are in the punishment stakes. The rule of thumb is one penalty point is equivalent to one lash stroke. This can be substituted for something else. On point could be one minute in bondage and ignored or, as in the case given above, one cube of spam! I generally do not administer a punishment until the total reaches ten points and never usually go over twenty. Over twenty points then I go up to twenty and then judge whether the boi can take more in a single session.
Gold Stars and other reductions

Penalty points can be reduced in number. A boi may do something particularly good or startling that deserves a reward. One method of reward is to reduce the tally of penalty points that a slave has. This sets them goals automatically in order to reduce their punishment. One concept introduced to me by Peter, and used by one of his old Masters (not Vermeer) was the idea of Gold Stars: trade-able counters that reduce punishments. Slaves can keep them or trade them among each other. I set the value of one Gold Star at ten penalty points. These are of course awarded at my discretion. Now, if used to reduce, say, eight points, the other two are lost.

Any ideas?

Of course Masters can and should swap ideas for punishments and what they do as favourites. But let me re-iterate, all slaves are different and respond to stimuli in different ways. Don’t just reach for the lash. Be imaginative and ring the changes when you can. Keep the bois guessing, and they will appreciate it by becoming better at serving you.

M

Online Activity

Can this be cybered?

I am always loath to just say an immediate ‘no’ to anything. My instinct with this is to ‘just say no’ as the boys and girls from Grange Hill would have it. Cybersex in general is a bit of a curate’s egg and something I very rarely indulge in, and then only on the Daddy/son side of things. I have never really thought that typing ‘ooh, I’ve cum’ was really a good substitute for the smells, sounds and visuals that real life sex creates.

But this scene may provide certain advantages as far as cyber is concerned, particularly with regard to control. The most obvious manifestation of this is the ‘cyber-Master’ or ‘cyber-slave’ running things through a cam. This sounds ok as far as it goes but there are certain limits to what one individual can do for themselves, even if they find being ordered around by a voice some hundreds or thousands of miles away very erotic. Equally the Master may find this attractive, neither has to face the prospect of a meet. Cyber through a cam, or even just typing, can be a good introduction to other people online and how they work, but ultimately it seems very sterile.

Out of sight but still in mind?

When the cam is off, or the person is not online, then it really does become a matter of trust. If a Master instructs his slave to do, say, an extra 50 push ups or eat a tin of spam or something and it is not cammed, then you only have their word for it that it has happened. You can limit orders and instructions to cammed sessions, of course, but that implies a lack of trust or commitment. But maybe I think like this because I am naturally hostile to online training. I have never, ever understood guys who do not want to take cyber further, into the world of sweat and smells.

The most successful cyber-relationships to my mind are by those that have already met and distance has forced them to adopt this method. This can be accompanied by visits of a regular or irregular basis. I have met guys in this sort of relationship and, although they are not 100% happy as they would prefer to be with their partner for real more regularly, it works for them.

Cyber and me

I do use cyber to start training. Basic etiquette and an understanding of what is necessary can be done online. But the rest: CP, bondage, any form of sexual contact and even the psychological messages that can be transmitted just through a glance or body language are not possible. The exertion of control, at least the way I do it, is simply impossible. For example I tend to use cyber to keep a track on bois but punishments, rewards, sessions, are never cyber. I like sweat and smells, sights and sounds, too much and my tactile nature means I cannot accept cyber even as a substitute for reality.

M

A Social History?

Another notion.

Other than the concept of a society for serious lifestyle enthusiasts (to act as a bit of a safety endorsement if nothing else) the other idea I have been toying with is some sort of social history of the Master & Slave scene.

The scene has changed radically in the past twenty years, with greater diversity and approaches than before, yet the purists (me among them) are keen to emphasise that just because someone calls you Master or treats you as a slave whilst both parties cavort in leather is not particularly related to the Master & Slave lifestyle. It has not been helped by the cull that took place in the 80’s due to Aids, and in the UK there was never a particularly strong ‘formalised’ structure as there allegedly was in the US. It is this absence of practical memories, as opposed to theoretical behaviour, that seems to be the major missing link here.

You can read Rinella, you can read Gay porn, but none of them really reflect what things actually were like or, indeed, how individuals adapted the theoretical constraints to living a life in the late 20th Century. It is this that I would really like to try and bring out before the remaining guys who have those memories are lost to us forever and take their knowledge with them.

Written or filmed?

I had though of just getting my trusty Dictaphone and recording interviews for a written history. This is what I am used to as a journalist in many ways: just a few guiding questions and allow the interviewee to talk at length, editing down afterwards. But then the other half made a suggestion: why not a documentary? As a film student he was bound to go down that route and, well, talking head documentaries are pretty straightforward to make.

The one issue with this is, as a friend pointed out, getting people to go on the record. In a written approach I had only envisaged first names with an interview each chapter, topped and tailed by introduction and conclusion: safely anonymous. But if it is filmed some people have to be on screen: you cannot compose something entirely out of documentary footage and pixellated or darkened images: you can have some of that, but not all. People have real lives and in many cases exposure to the glare of the lens could send them running for cover. On the other hand it would have far more impact.

The story so far.

Whilst I have been thinking of this two more mature (let’s say) members of the scene have provided me with outlines of their reminiscences. These in themselves are fascinating: one akin to Old Guard structures for training, another talking about haring through a 50’s English village on a motorbike stark naked at 13. You wouldn’t get the latter in Miss Marple. Any more are gratefully received, as truth is generally far more fascinating than fiction, and no matter what route this goes down, subjects and subject matter is always welcome and anonymity is assured, unless you tell me otherwise.

M

A good time to be had

It looked bad….

Well, I have to say that Saturday night at the Hoist, planned weeks in advance looked pretty grim on Friday night. Having dismissed T then I had expected to be there with Paul: a not unreasonable supposition. In fact, as Paul was feeling a little low last week I had taken a days holiday and brought him down to London for the day in the hope of lessening his growing cabin fever.

And it seemed to be going fine. It was not a session but a meeting of friends and so we talked for a long time, from thinking up things for Saturday, to discussing the online organisation I have been thinking of. But, towards the end of the day, things began to go a bit pear shaped, for me at least, when he became enamoured of going up to Derby ‘for a break’ and leaving on Saturday. This would mean, of course, no-show on Saturday. He also had to borrow the rail fare to go from me, a way of adding insult to injury that Dennis was somewhat surprised about the following night: ‘Masters should not loan money to bois’ was his comment. Hmm…

Now I hate going to these places without a boi, and at such short notice I was going to find it pretty tricky to bring a lad along. There are a few that I had been talking to, one I am meeting for his first session Thursday, but not for Saturday night. In fact, ironically, I had a call from one of these lads at 5.30 Saturday night: his plans preventing him coming had fallen through, but he had no boots and it was going to be impossible to find/borrow/buy any in time. So I faced the prospect of a pretty grim night at the Hoist knowing Peter and that was about all. Or almost all…

But, every cloud.

I had more or less resigned myself to a fairly dull evening when I chatted with foraging (real name Michael) yesterday. Now I had been totally shameless in my pursuit of this boi on Gaydar and make no apologies for it. Now I knew he was going to be at The Hoist Saturday, indeed all that was really left as a reason for going was the opportunity to meet him in the flesh. Then, he announced on Gaydar on Saturday afternoon, he would be going as a free agent.

Now I would like to say I am not a man given to missing clues, but in the sexual field I often am. Guys have to be bloody obvious with me, I am afraid: subtlety is one of those things I just am not good at in the Gay scene (although I am not so bad in other areas of life). But I was not going to miss this one. So, at The Hoist, I met up with Michael and had a pretty good night. He had spent £80 on a rubber outfit which, beyond my personal hatred of rubber was hopelessly impractical from an access point of view. He looked good in it, but he would have looked good in an old blackout curtain and it would have been more accessible. He left at 2am, and there has been no time for the post mortem I regard as vital, so that will have to be online. I set him a little trap, which he may yet fall into, though I doubt it. If he does not then I have already said he can come down next weekend for what will be a rather gruelling weekend: Hoist Saturday, Hard in Bristol on Sunday.

Michael is another boi who is needlessly self-conscious about his body. This was not helped last night as it was the Mr Hoist 2007 competition so there was more than the usual quota of posturing muscle Marys in leather. Still, only 7 contestants and only £750 raised seems pretty poor. A good slave auction would do better. After Michael left with his ‘friend’ I was buttonholed by T who wanted to apologise in person. Which was fine, but I used the opportunity to explain again why there was no way back. Besides I only take on one trainee at a time and if the boi on Thursday works out then that slot is filled.

What next?

Well, regarding Michael he wants a 24/7 ideally in Manchester where he lives. Now I can fulfil neither desire, and he is well aware of this. But, well, until that happens after last night I would be happy to have him in my stable and for him to come down for regular sessions. I think he would team well with Paul (he is less wilful than Paul and consequently has a stronger desire for obedience, but the outlook is very similar) and that is something I think would work well. But it is now up to him, as what I offer is far less than what he really wants. Whether he is prepared to join my stable until he finds something that fits his desires better we shall have to wait and see. Regarding Paul, well, he has more things to deal with than you could shake a stick at, so although I am disappointed in his decision I cannot be angry, I am generally not angry with anyone for more than a few minutes on my own behalf. So I guess we see about that too.

M

T Dismissed, Trainee position open.

Goodbye Mr T

On Wednesday I dismissed T, my trainee. This was not due to any reason that I have already advanced. I had been, as you know, prepared to give the boi a chance to improve on Saturday night despite the misgivings of those around me. On Wednesday, though, on MSN he advanced a limit that I could not possibly accept, and I certainly do not think any other Master would have accepted either.

Basically he announced that he would not have sex with me because, as he put it, it would hurt Dror, my boyfriend. Now notwithstanding that Dror and I have slept with other people in the past, or that he has told me he gets off on the idea of me being with other people, I thought that using the emotions of someone he does not know and has not met as a shield for something within himself was a pretty unfair way of carrying on. It transpires that this is something that was done to him and, seemingly, he is projecting this experience onto other people.

As wanting to actually have sex with your Master is fairly central to this scene, although it can be dispensed with by some I guess, I could not carry on with him. Although he pleaded with me not to release him I was adamant, he also said he was prepared to ‘submit’ to this which, again, set the wrong tone: I want willing and enthusiastic participation not sullen and enforced actions. So, that is it. T is iff down washout lane.

Position open

So, that leaves the position open. I really only want one trainee at a time: I certainly cannot train two at a time (unless they are very good) as I need to devote a lot of time and attention to them. That is really the point: bois under me have always been properly trained, and will continue to be. So, applications welcome…

M

Thoughts of a disappointed man

What is to be done?

Well, if you are going to steal a quote from Lenin, it needs to be a good one. Anyhoo, it is a question that has been bothering me for a bit. The loose grouping of people I know, ‘serious lifestylers’ Paul would call them, have all, in their own way, expressed their disappointment with the lack of support, or unifying organisation, and the understandable ignorance about the scene that flows from it. I say ignorance, not in a judgemental way, but rather to reflect the total lack of education about this lifestyle available in the UK. Now not everyone wants to know, and those that do know or want to find out reject things as not for them. This to me is fine. But for those that do want to know, and do want to try it out, well, there is nowhere to go.

A nebulous idea…

Ok, well, it looks like I am going to be freelancing from February onwards. That means a lot more time (if less money) and that I can devote to ‘doing something’. The something I have been thinking about, and have bounced off a few people in private, is to see if there is enough interest to create some sort of club/organisation/bund, call it what you will, of guys interested in the more traditional aspects of the lifestyle.

I would be thinking of an online presence, free, but password protected for members with an unprotected area for guests. I am not talking about some sort of pick-up site: there are enough of those around already, but rather a place to post experiences, opinions and thoughts as well as provide basic support. I would also be interested in looking at such a group getting together for meetings, sexual or non-sexual, certainly the latter being the informal bit. The third element, also online, is my interest in keeping some sort of social history, at least at first based on online interviews with guys that have decades of experience in the scene (you know who you are, no hiding…).

Of course they may not be any interest, it may be utterly pointless and run into the sand, but it seems to me at least worth trying. If anyone has any views on this, well, comment here, or email me: Habsburgtraun@yahoo.co.uk which is also, incidentally, used for MSN.

Open to the floor.

M

Who trains the Masters?

What happens now: anarchy and mistrust

For a slave looking for a Master the Master has to be right. There has to be the correct chemistry. But, when it comes to practicalities, what does the Master actually know? How does He know it? Is it all based on experience, what can be taught and where? For a slave with real ambition to be owned, to serve, the primary aim should be to do so safely.

You hear lots of horror stories: guys bound and then having horrible things done to them, injuries both mental and physical. The list of Masters that should be blacklisted for leaving a stream of broken and shell-shocked bois in their wake is huge. But there is no real place to go to find out who is a nutter and who is safe and skilled. Anyone can set themselves up as a Master, and there are more than enough desperate bois around to take the risk of not even looking for references.

Clues for bois:

• Do not meet for sex the first time. Meet on neutral ground for a coffee.
• When you do meet for sex always make sure you tell someone where you are going and arrange to call them: a good Master will understand.
• Make sure he offers you a safe word to make sure you have a safety valve if needed.

These are basic, but probably necessary. But how should a lad who wants to be a proper Master: sane, safe and secure, gain knowledge? What are the options?

Today’s option

Well, the best a boy could do is hook up with another Master and do a couple of sessions with a slave or two. He can pick the experienced Master’s brain, be shown how to do a few things and generally pick up some experience. If he works out the more experienced Master can then act as a useful reference for him in solo sessions with other slaves. This is done fairly often, but training can be patchy dependent upon what the experienced Master actually has experience of.

In London there is, of course, SM Gays nights at The Hoist. Now despite the fact that they are in bad odour with me at the moment, I think in general what they do is a pretty good idea. Admittedly they only do ‘practical’ rather than ‘psycho-sexual’, but the practical stuff is generally what can go badly wrong.

A bit of ‘Me’ time

Hands up, I am self-taught. I tied my first boi up when I was at University and generally never looked back. It was, and still is, a learning process: when I stop learning I will be in a wooden box. I did a lot of reading, tried out a lot of things on equally inexperienced bois and made a lot of mistakes along the way. I am thankfully, a naturally dominant person, and place more emphasis on control than the physical, but that means that there are still gaps in my knowledge: rope bondage is only vaguely known to me and I must have forgotten a bit. CBT frankly scares me as I am conscious of doing something that may involve permanent damage, and these are only two examples.

The Old Guard approach…

The Old Guard approach, as written down and remembered by some (though not all) is that the structure was generally based on a Household system. Any guy joining, no matter whether he aspired to be a Master or a slave would start out as a slave. The theory, supposedly, was that he would become familiar with the way a Household operated. At some stage a Household’s senior members would decide whether to elevate a budding Master to the ranks of the Masters in the Household. So from slave, to Alpha (possibly) to Master was a ‘career route’ and I know of at least one guy who went through that process

My problem…and ideal solution

I have a problem with this approach, namely I do not think I could have handled ever being a slave. I am far too unruly, independently minded and just plain stubborn. I certainly would find it very difficult to serve people. It is also the case that, certainly in the UK, such a system to my knowledge simply does not exist. Even if it did I would prefer something borrowed from the military: a cadet system. As you have trainee slaves (I hope) then there seems no reason to me why you should not have trainee Masters. I would call them cadets, a suitable military-sounding term. Pair them up with a Master and experienced slaves under that aegis and you have the beginnings of an effective approach. Will it ever happen? Well, I would like to make it happen in the future but, well, right now? I am far too busy...

M

At the Present….

What is Presenting?

Presenting involves the slave adopting a specified posture whenever a Master enters a room the slave is in. Presenting is one of those behavioural patters that most Masters do not enforce in a 24/7. Some, of course, do, but in the UK at least it seems to be rare. The notion of a slave having to adopt a certain attitude or posture whenever a Master enters a room seems, to me at least, to be the ultimate form of real obeisance. The problem is that Presenting, as a skill, can rarely if ever, and in my view never, be used in the outside world. This makes it different from etiquette which can be used in the wider world, although it may garner the odd raised eyebrow. Within the defined framework of a session, or in a Master and slave-friendly environment this is not really a concern, but the practical application in, say, a club or bar, may still limit its use to a domestic setting.

I will put my hand up now and say that the forms of Presenting that I use are shamelessly copied from Butchmann’s in the US. As a defined Gay space it has its own rules and these can be set out and enforced in that sort of environment. Within fixed sessions in a domestic setting I do expect a slave to Present, and if I ever get around to running a longer, more meaningful session (a few days in April after I get back from Berlin looks promising) then Presenting will be obligatory. That said, in my relatively small flat, bois could spend their entire time at the Present or not at all.

Forms of Present

Standing: I usually refer to this as Position One. The slave stands upright, with feet spread shoulder wide, arms locked behind its back, each hand clasping the opposite forearm (or wrist); the chest is held forward, the head may be bowed or held up however the eyes should be cast down. This position is sometimes called "Standing Formal Present" or "Standing Present". This is the one I use as a default when a Master enters a room.

On Knees: I usually refer to this as Position Two. The slave kneels upright (not sitting back on its heels), with knees spread shoulder wide, arms locked behind its back, each hand clasping the opposite forearm (or wrist); the chest is held forward, the head may be bowed or held up however the eyes should be cast down. This position is sometimes called "Formal Present" or "Full Present".

Chest to Floor: I usually refer to this as Position Three. The slave starts out kneeling with both knees spread wider than shoulder width to allow for maximum access to slave's hole and balls: hands are placed flat on the floor in front of it with pointer fingers and thumbs touching to form a triangle. The slave places its forehead into the triangle bringing its chest to the floor. The slave's upper legs should be perfectly vertical with its ass stuck up high. This position is sometimes called, "Submission Present", “Inspection Present” or "Punishment Present".

One Knee: This I usually refer to as Position Four. The slave kneels upright with only the right knee on the ground while the left knee is bent; the chest is held forward. This is the position used most while serving the Master from the slave's hand (refreshments, the paper, etc).

Standing Relaxed: I do not generally use a position number for this, simply borrowing the Army drill term, ‘At Ease’. This is the same as the Standing Present except that the hands are left open and the left is placed into the right, above the ass crack. This position is sometimes called, "At Ease", "Public Present" or "Parade Rest".

I will try to illustrate the above with photos at a later date. Much depends on the return/repair of my digital camera. Also, sorry to disappoint, but the requirements of Blogger mean I cannot show anything too obscene, so any pics will show slaves with more coverage than I usually like them.

M

Guide to slave etiquette: behaviour

Another thing I have been asked to do is provide a bullet-pointed guide to formal etiquette. This can be the toughest part of a slave’s training as it requires concentration, obedience and awareness of the environment around them. As I am fairly demanding when it comes to this I suppose I had better lay it out for bois, prospective bois and the odd curious Master to read.

Not all Masters are the same, if fact differences abound. What I am going to set down here is both an ideal and an approach that will not set a slave wrong, emphasising greater formality than is usually required, so a Master can ‘row back’ on some of the more onerous requirements as He sees fit.

The Guide

• When standing the feet should be at shoulder width with hands resting behind the back, chest out, head up. A slave should always look friendly and open. This communicates an image of both submission and self pride.

• Use ‘Sir’ when addressing all men, at least initially, unless they are obviously a slave. A fellow slave will soon correct a mistaken boi. For Old Guard Masters they will often insist on junior slaves calling the Alpha or a senior slave sir as well.

• Sir or Master should always be used at the beginning and end of every sentence and at every pause for breath, or in the case of written communication, before every comma.

• Questions from a Master are to be answered briefly with the minimum necessary speech.

• When approaching an unknown Masterget one of his bois to make the introduction. If he is unaccompanied and there is no Master to make the introduction then “Sir, excuse me sir,…” is the accepted form.

• When approaching a Master the slave does know and has been introduced to, “Master, Sir!” is an acceptable method of gaining His acknowledgement.

• Never interrupt a Master unless it is in the direst of circumstances.

• Never join a scene uninvited.

• When walking with a Master always remain on the left rear just behind but within His peripheral vision.

• When a Master stands his slave stands unless instructed to the contrary. Equally a slave should never take a seat before his Master does unless instructed to do so.

• If a slave is fondled or touched in any way it should not attempt to avoid such contact but must defer comments or action to its Master.

• If a slave is out without his Master, or the Master is not obviously in view, the slave will respectfully say “Sir, this slave is the property of Master _____, please obtain His permission to use it.” The slave should in no circumstances indicate interest or discouragement.

• In written communication the slave will always spell its name in lower case and any other self references. Likewise Masters should be capitalised: Master, Sir, His, Your etc.

• Masters should be thanked for every verbal command, instruction, correction and so on.

This is a brief, bulleted and pretty stringent behavioural pattern. Not all Masters will enforce all aspects all of the time. I certainly expect slaves I train to know this pattern but will often let it lapse in some cases, for example, the generic stance adopted. Nevertheless, when I instruct slaves to be on their best behaviour, I expect all the above forms to be observed.

M