Online Activity

Can this be cybered?

I am always loath to just say an immediate ‘no’ to anything. My instinct with this is to ‘just say no’ as the boys and girls from Grange Hill would have it. Cybersex in general is a bit of a curate’s egg and something I very rarely indulge in, and then only on the Daddy/son side of things. I have never really thought that typing ‘ooh, I’ve cum’ was really a good substitute for the smells, sounds and visuals that real life sex creates.

But this scene may provide certain advantages as far as cyber is concerned, particularly with regard to control. The most obvious manifestation of this is the ‘cyber-Master’ or ‘cyber-slave’ running things through a cam. This sounds ok as far as it goes but there are certain limits to what one individual can do for themselves, even if they find being ordered around by a voice some hundreds or thousands of miles away very erotic. Equally the Master may find this attractive, neither has to face the prospect of a meet. Cyber through a cam, or even just typing, can be a good introduction to other people online and how they work, but ultimately it seems very sterile.

Out of sight but still in mind?

When the cam is off, or the person is not online, then it really does become a matter of trust. If a Master instructs his slave to do, say, an extra 50 push ups or eat a tin of spam or something and it is not cammed, then you only have their word for it that it has happened. You can limit orders and instructions to cammed sessions, of course, but that implies a lack of trust or commitment. But maybe I think like this because I am naturally hostile to online training. I have never, ever understood guys who do not want to take cyber further, into the world of sweat and smells.

The most successful cyber-relationships to my mind are by those that have already met and distance has forced them to adopt this method. This can be accompanied by visits of a regular or irregular basis. I have met guys in this sort of relationship and, although they are not 100% happy as they would prefer to be with their partner for real more regularly, it works for them.

Cyber and me

I do use cyber to start training. Basic etiquette and an understanding of what is necessary can be done online. But the rest: CP, bondage, any form of sexual contact and even the psychological messages that can be transmitted just through a glance or body language are not possible. The exertion of control, at least the way I do it, is simply impossible. For example I tend to use cyber to keep a track on bois but punishments, rewards, sessions, are never cyber. I like sweat and smells, sights and sounds, too much and my tactile nature means I cannot accept cyber even as a substitute for reality.

M

A Social History?

Another notion.

Other than the concept of a society for serious lifestyle enthusiasts (to act as a bit of a safety endorsement if nothing else) the other idea I have been toying with is some sort of social history of the Master & Slave scene.

The scene has changed radically in the past twenty years, with greater diversity and approaches than before, yet the purists (me among them) are keen to emphasise that just because someone calls you Master or treats you as a slave whilst both parties cavort in leather is not particularly related to the Master & Slave lifestyle. It has not been helped by the cull that took place in the 80’s due to Aids, and in the UK there was never a particularly strong ‘formalised’ structure as there allegedly was in the US. It is this absence of practical memories, as opposed to theoretical behaviour, that seems to be the major missing link here.

You can read Rinella, you can read Gay porn, but none of them really reflect what things actually were like or, indeed, how individuals adapted the theoretical constraints to living a life in the late 20th Century. It is this that I would really like to try and bring out before the remaining guys who have those memories are lost to us forever and take their knowledge with them.

Written or filmed?

I had though of just getting my trusty Dictaphone and recording interviews for a written history. This is what I am used to as a journalist in many ways: just a few guiding questions and allow the interviewee to talk at length, editing down afterwards. But then the other half made a suggestion: why not a documentary? As a film student he was bound to go down that route and, well, talking head documentaries are pretty straightforward to make.

The one issue with this is, as a friend pointed out, getting people to go on the record. In a written approach I had only envisaged first names with an interview each chapter, topped and tailed by introduction and conclusion: safely anonymous. But if it is filmed some people have to be on screen: you cannot compose something entirely out of documentary footage and pixellated or darkened images: you can have some of that, but not all. People have real lives and in many cases exposure to the glare of the lens could send them running for cover. On the other hand it would have far more impact.

The story so far.

Whilst I have been thinking of this two more mature (let’s say) members of the scene have provided me with outlines of their reminiscences. These in themselves are fascinating: one akin to Old Guard structures for training, another talking about haring through a 50’s English village on a motorbike stark naked at 13. You wouldn’t get the latter in Miss Marple. Any more are gratefully received, as truth is generally far more fascinating than fiction, and no matter what route this goes down, subjects and subject matter is always welcome and anonymity is assured, unless you tell me otherwise.

M

A good time to be had

It looked bad….

Well, I have to say that Saturday night at the Hoist, planned weeks in advance looked pretty grim on Friday night. Having dismissed T then I had expected to be there with Paul: a not unreasonable supposition. In fact, as Paul was feeling a little low last week I had taken a days holiday and brought him down to London for the day in the hope of lessening his growing cabin fever.

And it seemed to be going fine. It was not a session but a meeting of friends and so we talked for a long time, from thinking up things for Saturday, to discussing the online organisation I have been thinking of. But, towards the end of the day, things began to go a bit pear shaped, for me at least, when he became enamoured of going up to Derby ‘for a break’ and leaving on Saturday. This would mean, of course, no-show on Saturday. He also had to borrow the rail fare to go from me, a way of adding insult to injury that Dennis was somewhat surprised about the following night: ‘Masters should not loan money to bois’ was his comment. Hmm…

Now I hate going to these places without a boi, and at such short notice I was going to find it pretty tricky to bring a lad along. There are a few that I had been talking to, one I am meeting for his first session Thursday, but not for Saturday night. In fact, ironically, I had a call from one of these lads at 5.30 Saturday night: his plans preventing him coming had fallen through, but he had no boots and it was going to be impossible to find/borrow/buy any in time. So I faced the prospect of a pretty grim night at the Hoist knowing Peter and that was about all. Or almost all…

But, every cloud.

I had more or less resigned myself to a fairly dull evening when I chatted with foraging (real name Michael) yesterday. Now I had been totally shameless in my pursuit of this boi on Gaydar and make no apologies for it. Now I knew he was going to be at The Hoist Saturday, indeed all that was really left as a reason for going was the opportunity to meet him in the flesh. Then, he announced on Gaydar on Saturday afternoon, he would be going as a free agent.

Now I would like to say I am not a man given to missing clues, but in the sexual field I often am. Guys have to be bloody obvious with me, I am afraid: subtlety is one of those things I just am not good at in the Gay scene (although I am not so bad in other areas of life). But I was not going to miss this one. So, at The Hoist, I met up with Michael and had a pretty good night. He had spent £80 on a rubber outfit which, beyond my personal hatred of rubber was hopelessly impractical from an access point of view. He looked good in it, but he would have looked good in an old blackout curtain and it would have been more accessible. He left at 2am, and there has been no time for the post mortem I regard as vital, so that will have to be online. I set him a little trap, which he may yet fall into, though I doubt it. If he does not then I have already said he can come down next weekend for what will be a rather gruelling weekend: Hoist Saturday, Hard in Bristol on Sunday.

Michael is another boi who is needlessly self-conscious about his body. This was not helped last night as it was the Mr Hoist 2007 competition so there was more than the usual quota of posturing muscle Marys in leather. Still, only 7 contestants and only £750 raised seems pretty poor. A good slave auction would do better. After Michael left with his ‘friend’ I was buttonholed by T who wanted to apologise in person. Which was fine, but I used the opportunity to explain again why there was no way back. Besides I only take on one trainee at a time and if the boi on Thursday works out then that slot is filled.

What next?

Well, regarding Michael he wants a 24/7 ideally in Manchester where he lives. Now I can fulfil neither desire, and he is well aware of this. But, well, until that happens after last night I would be happy to have him in my stable and for him to come down for regular sessions. I think he would team well with Paul (he is less wilful than Paul and consequently has a stronger desire for obedience, but the outlook is very similar) and that is something I think would work well. But it is now up to him, as what I offer is far less than what he really wants. Whether he is prepared to join my stable until he finds something that fits his desires better we shall have to wait and see. Regarding Paul, well, he has more things to deal with than you could shake a stick at, so although I am disappointed in his decision I cannot be angry, I am generally not angry with anyone for more than a few minutes on my own behalf. So I guess we see about that too.

M

T Dismissed, Trainee position open.

Goodbye Mr T

On Wednesday I dismissed T, my trainee. This was not due to any reason that I have already advanced. I had been, as you know, prepared to give the boi a chance to improve on Saturday night despite the misgivings of those around me. On Wednesday, though, on MSN he advanced a limit that I could not possibly accept, and I certainly do not think any other Master would have accepted either.

Basically he announced that he would not have sex with me because, as he put it, it would hurt Dror, my boyfriend. Now notwithstanding that Dror and I have slept with other people in the past, or that he has told me he gets off on the idea of me being with other people, I thought that using the emotions of someone he does not know and has not met as a shield for something within himself was a pretty unfair way of carrying on. It transpires that this is something that was done to him and, seemingly, he is projecting this experience onto other people.

As wanting to actually have sex with your Master is fairly central to this scene, although it can be dispensed with by some I guess, I could not carry on with him. Although he pleaded with me not to release him I was adamant, he also said he was prepared to ‘submit’ to this which, again, set the wrong tone: I want willing and enthusiastic participation not sullen and enforced actions. So, that is it. T is iff down washout lane.

Position open

So, that leaves the position open. I really only want one trainee at a time: I certainly cannot train two at a time (unless they are very good) as I need to devote a lot of time and attention to them. That is really the point: bois under me have always been properly trained, and will continue to be. So, applications welcome…

M

Thoughts of a disappointed man

What is to be done?

Well, if you are going to steal a quote from Lenin, it needs to be a good one. Anyhoo, it is a question that has been bothering me for a bit. The loose grouping of people I know, ‘serious lifestylers’ Paul would call them, have all, in their own way, expressed their disappointment with the lack of support, or unifying organisation, and the understandable ignorance about the scene that flows from it. I say ignorance, not in a judgemental way, but rather to reflect the total lack of education about this lifestyle available in the UK. Now not everyone wants to know, and those that do know or want to find out reject things as not for them. This to me is fine. But for those that do want to know, and do want to try it out, well, there is nowhere to go.

A nebulous idea…

Ok, well, it looks like I am going to be freelancing from February onwards. That means a lot more time (if less money) and that I can devote to ‘doing something’. The something I have been thinking about, and have bounced off a few people in private, is to see if there is enough interest to create some sort of club/organisation/bund, call it what you will, of guys interested in the more traditional aspects of the lifestyle.

I would be thinking of an online presence, free, but password protected for members with an unprotected area for guests. I am not talking about some sort of pick-up site: there are enough of those around already, but rather a place to post experiences, opinions and thoughts as well as provide basic support. I would also be interested in looking at such a group getting together for meetings, sexual or non-sexual, certainly the latter being the informal bit. The third element, also online, is my interest in keeping some sort of social history, at least at first based on online interviews with guys that have decades of experience in the scene (you know who you are, no hiding…).

Of course they may not be any interest, it may be utterly pointless and run into the sand, but it seems to me at least worth trying. If anyone has any views on this, well, comment here, or email me: Habsburgtraun@yahoo.co.uk which is also, incidentally, used for MSN.

Open to the floor.

M

Who trains the Masters?

What happens now: anarchy and mistrust

For a slave looking for a Master the Master has to be right. There has to be the correct chemistry. But, when it comes to practicalities, what does the Master actually know? How does He know it? Is it all based on experience, what can be taught and where? For a slave with real ambition to be owned, to serve, the primary aim should be to do so safely.

You hear lots of horror stories: guys bound and then having horrible things done to them, injuries both mental and physical. The list of Masters that should be blacklisted for leaving a stream of broken and shell-shocked bois in their wake is huge. But there is no real place to go to find out who is a nutter and who is safe and skilled. Anyone can set themselves up as a Master, and there are more than enough desperate bois around to take the risk of not even looking for references.

Clues for bois:

• Do not meet for sex the first time. Meet on neutral ground for a coffee.
• When you do meet for sex always make sure you tell someone where you are going and arrange to call them: a good Master will understand.
• Make sure he offers you a safe word to make sure you have a safety valve if needed.

These are basic, but probably necessary. But how should a lad who wants to be a proper Master: sane, safe and secure, gain knowledge? What are the options?

Today’s option

Well, the best a boy could do is hook up with another Master and do a couple of sessions with a slave or two. He can pick the experienced Master’s brain, be shown how to do a few things and generally pick up some experience. If he works out the more experienced Master can then act as a useful reference for him in solo sessions with other slaves. This is done fairly often, but training can be patchy dependent upon what the experienced Master actually has experience of.

In London there is, of course, SM Gays nights at The Hoist. Now despite the fact that they are in bad odour with me at the moment, I think in general what they do is a pretty good idea. Admittedly they only do ‘practical’ rather than ‘psycho-sexual’, but the practical stuff is generally what can go badly wrong.

A bit of ‘Me’ time

Hands up, I am self-taught. I tied my first boi up when I was at University and generally never looked back. It was, and still is, a learning process: when I stop learning I will be in a wooden box. I did a lot of reading, tried out a lot of things on equally inexperienced bois and made a lot of mistakes along the way. I am thankfully, a naturally dominant person, and place more emphasis on control than the physical, but that means that there are still gaps in my knowledge: rope bondage is only vaguely known to me and I must have forgotten a bit. CBT frankly scares me as I am conscious of doing something that may involve permanent damage, and these are only two examples.

The Old Guard approach…

The Old Guard approach, as written down and remembered by some (though not all) is that the structure was generally based on a Household system. Any guy joining, no matter whether he aspired to be a Master or a slave would start out as a slave. The theory, supposedly, was that he would become familiar with the way a Household operated. At some stage a Household’s senior members would decide whether to elevate a budding Master to the ranks of the Masters in the Household. So from slave, to Alpha (possibly) to Master was a ‘career route’ and I know of at least one guy who went through that process

My problem…and ideal solution

I have a problem with this approach, namely I do not think I could have handled ever being a slave. I am far too unruly, independently minded and just plain stubborn. I certainly would find it very difficult to serve people. It is also the case that, certainly in the UK, such a system to my knowledge simply does not exist. Even if it did I would prefer something borrowed from the military: a cadet system. As you have trainee slaves (I hope) then there seems no reason to me why you should not have trainee Masters. I would call them cadets, a suitable military-sounding term. Pair them up with a Master and experienced slaves under that aegis and you have the beginnings of an effective approach. Will it ever happen? Well, I would like to make it happen in the future but, well, right now? I am far too busy...

M

At the Present….

What is Presenting?

Presenting involves the slave adopting a specified posture whenever a Master enters a room the slave is in. Presenting is one of those behavioural patters that most Masters do not enforce in a 24/7. Some, of course, do, but in the UK at least it seems to be rare. The notion of a slave having to adopt a certain attitude or posture whenever a Master enters a room seems, to me at least, to be the ultimate form of real obeisance. The problem is that Presenting, as a skill, can rarely if ever, and in my view never, be used in the outside world. This makes it different from etiquette which can be used in the wider world, although it may garner the odd raised eyebrow. Within the defined framework of a session, or in a Master and slave-friendly environment this is not really a concern, but the practical application in, say, a club or bar, may still limit its use to a domestic setting.

I will put my hand up now and say that the forms of Presenting that I use are shamelessly copied from Butchmann’s in the US. As a defined Gay space it has its own rules and these can be set out and enforced in that sort of environment. Within fixed sessions in a domestic setting I do expect a slave to Present, and if I ever get around to running a longer, more meaningful session (a few days in April after I get back from Berlin looks promising) then Presenting will be obligatory. That said, in my relatively small flat, bois could spend their entire time at the Present or not at all.

Forms of Present

Standing: I usually refer to this as Position One. The slave stands upright, with feet spread shoulder wide, arms locked behind its back, each hand clasping the opposite forearm (or wrist); the chest is held forward, the head may be bowed or held up however the eyes should be cast down. This position is sometimes called "Standing Formal Present" or "Standing Present". This is the one I use as a default when a Master enters a room.

On Knees: I usually refer to this as Position Two. The slave kneels upright (not sitting back on its heels), with knees spread shoulder wide, arms locked behind its back, each hand clasping the opposite forearm (or wrist); the chest is held forward, the head may be bowed or held up however the eyes should be cast down. This position is sometimes called "Formal Present" or "Full Present".

Chest to Floor: I usually refer to this as Position Three. The slave starts out kneeling with both knees spread wider than shoulder width to allow for maximum access to slave's hole and balls: hands are placed flat on the floor in front of it with pointer fingers and thumbs touching to form a triangle. The slave places its forehead into the triangle bringing its chest to the floor. The slave's upper legs should be perfectly vertical with its ass stuck up high. This position is sometimes called, "Submission Present", “Inspection Present” or "Punishment Present".

One Knee: This I usually refer to as Position Four. The slave kneels upright with only the right knee on the ground while the left knee is bent; the chest is held forward. This is the position used most while serving the Master from the slave's hand (refreshments, the paper, etc).

Standing Relaxed: I do not generally use a position number for this, simply borrowing the Army drill term, ‘At Ease’. This is the same as the Standing Present except that the hands are left open and the left is placed into the right, above the ass crack. This position is sometimes called, "At Ease", "Public Present" or "Parade Rest".

I will try to illustrate the above with photos at a later date. Much depends on the return/repair of my digital camera. Also, sorry to disappoint, but the requirements of Blogger mean I cannot show anything too obscene, so any pics will show slaves with more coverage than I usually like them.

M

Guide to slave etiquette: behaviour

Another thing I have been asked to do is provide a bullet-pointed guide to formal etiquette. This can be the toughest part of a slave’s training as it requires concentration, obedience and awareness of the environment around them. As I am fairly demanding when it comes to this I suppose I had better lay it out for bois, prospective bois and the odd curious Master to read.

Not all Masters are the same, if fact differences abound. What I am going to set down here is both an ideal and an approach that will not set a slave wrong, emphasising greater formality than is usually required, so a Master can ‘row back’ on some of the more onerous requirements as He sees fit.

The Guide

• When standing the feet should be at shoulder width with hands resting behind the back, chest out, head up. A slave should always look friendly and open. This communicates an image of both submission and self pride.

• Use ‘Sir’ when addressing all men, at least initially, unless they are obviously a slave. A fellow slave will soon correct a mistaken boi. For Old Guard Masters they will often insist on junior slaves calling the Alpha or a senior slave sir as well.

• Sir or Master should always be used at the beginning and end of every sentence and at every pause for breath, or in the case of written communication, before every comma.

• Questions from a Master are to be answered briefly with the minimum necessary speech.

• When approaching an unknown Masterget one of his bois to make the introduction. If he is unaccompanied and there is no Master to make the introduction then “Sir, excuse me sir,…” is the accepted form.

• When approaching a Master the slave does know and has been introduced to, “Master, Sir!” is an acceptable method of gaining His acknowledgement.

• Never interrupt a Master unless it is in the direst of circumstances.

• Never join a scene uninvited.

• When walking with a Master always remain on the left rear just behind but within His peripheral vision.

• When a Master stands his slave stands unless instructed to the contrary. Equally a slave should never take a seat before his Master does unless instructed to do so.

• If a slave is fondled or touched in any way it should not attempt to avoid such contact but must defer comments or action to its Master.

• If a slave is out without his Master, or the Master is not obviously in view, the slave will respectfully say “Sir, this slave is the property of Master _____, please obtain His permission to use it.” The slave should in no circumstances indicate interest or discouragement.

• In written communication the slave will always spell its name in lower case and any other self references. Likewise Masters should be capitalised: Master, Sir, His, Your etc.

• Masters should be thanked for every verbal command, instruction, correction and so on.

This is a brief, bulleted and pretty stringent behavioural pattern. Not all Masters will enforce all aspects all of the time. I certainly expect slaves I train to know this pattern but will often let it lapse in some cases, for example, the generic stance adopted. Nevertheless, when I instruct slaves to be on their best behaviour, I expect all the above forms to be observed.

M

Modes of Dress #2

Camos, Rubber, Trackies and more.

This is the second part of my modes of dress post that I put up last week. Given the wide variety of things that guys wear in the harder scene it would be wrong to overlook it. People, lets be fair, are into allsorts and there is always something round the corner. A week or so ago a guy asked in a chatroom if anyone knew of Masters who did not wear boots. I put forward the idea that they were ‘pretty much part of the uniform’, only to be corrected by another guy called mudd. He said he had met one, and, intrigued and always keen to learn, The reply: “He was a sock Master, sir” was my first indication that such a type even existed. I have no idea what a sock Master is, does or what guides his actions (other than, presumably, the acquisition of socks) but at least one of them is out there.

Rubber

I would willingly say that I hate rubber. It is not that I do not think that rubber does not look good on some bois, it clearly does, although on guys of my build you tend to look like a badly stuffed black pudding. Like snow I like it from afar, on postcards, and I like my rubber that way too, although more on porn than on postcards. The reason is simple: I cannot stand the smell. If I wanted to have sex with someone like that I would be hanging around the Firestone factory, so I avoid guys in rubber no matter how good looking they are for that purpose.

There are, of course, other things to say. Rubber is cheap, easy to cut and far lighter than leather. It is also easier to clean and makes activities such as watersports far simpler to clean up after and you do not have to worry about what it might be doing to those £300 leather jeans. The relative lack of expense may explain why it seems to attract more younger people than the leather scene, as it is more in the financial reach of younger people. One cardinal rule, though: never mix Leather and Rubber together: it will make the rubber look cheap and the leather look tawdry (that is my Trinny and Susanna moment over with).

Camos

I like Camos. Primarily because, for me, they are dual use and I can use them for assignments as well as in clubs. I can also easily slip in to the military scene that goes with them, although these days I rarely do. Personally, because mine have to do ‘real’ work I prefer DPMs from Silvermans. As they are rip-stops they are very rugged and will last forever. Stable belts are on sale there too, from a variety of units, and are obligatory with camo trousers…

Trackie bo’ums

Ok, hands up to another confession: I like scally lads. They all seem so utterly filthy (like skins) with the added advantage of being slimmer rather than beefier skins, and generally younger. So I just put this entry here because, well, I like scallies in flammable sportswear from the market, although around me they generally don’t keep it on for long

Jocks and other things…

I like jocks. A slave in collar, a jock and boots is wearing what I would consider perfect apparel for a club. More than that and it is a reward, in my eyes, unless it is too cold. It can be any sort of jock, but I actually prefer the cloth rather than leather variety. They are also cheap: for a boi kitting himself out as a slave, well, boots, a jock and a collar is all he should really need, assuming he isn’t shy. But if one is going to be openly worn it should be on its own or combined with chaps and then other things. Parading round in a jock and covering the upper body is just ridiculous in my view.

Other fetishes, like lycra, I am not really qualified to talk about, although I would be keen to learn more about. Rather like rubber I know that I would look awful in lycra, and if you are not slim or toned or muscled I advise anyone to think again. But I am keen to at least learn and understand, so track me down and educate me.

M

Slave or Sub?

An ongoing debate

The Slave/sub debate seems to be running on and generally sprawling all over the place. I was asked a couple of times to try and give some sort of working definition, so here is my attempt. Guys seem to use the two words interchangeably but, for me, the two words mean very different things. Equally a slave hooks up to a Master, so a sub hooks up to a dom. The notion of tops and bottoms to me is just about sex, giving and taking.

Simple definition.

OK, let’s start with this. A slave takes pleasure in service, however it manifests itself. A sub takes pleasure in sex. That leads on to a sub being potentially dominant in a relationship but not in bed, or having an equal relationship with their partner: they need not be someone’s bitch all the time. A slave, though, is a lifestyle choice in many ways, has rules and regulations to adopt and accept: power has been surrendered to another for the duration of a session or even for life. The Master is dominant at all times during this period.

Secondly, and this goes to the heart of what I think, is that a dom is not responsible for the sub. A master is responsible for his slaves because of the power transaction that has taken place. A Master owns the slave, with all that means for both parties. A dom does not own a sub.

Is that enough?

Is this going to solve any debate? Well, it does for me. If people want a dom by this definition it certainly isn’t me, and in my view isn’t a Master in any form, just a dom in leather. But many guys who are confused about definitions may be helped by this outline, and if it helps create even a scintilla of clarity, well, that would be a step in the right direction.

M

Thursday in training….

I did not go into in depth the experience with the trainee that (eventually) pitched up on Thursday night, except the superficial stuff as an explanation as to why I was angry for the second time that night. So this is by way of an expansion on that part of the night which I did not want to write until I had talked to this trainee on MSN. I would have preferred a verbal post-mortem, but that has not been possible in the past few days. I have been able to talk in-depth to Peter and Paul and that has helped shape my own experience.

Nervous is an understatement

Now, as usual before any session I had asked this boi, lets call him T, to provide me with a list of his limits, both those that were sacrosanct and those that needed to be pushed. During training I do not go near either as that is not what training is about. Training for me is about getting a boi ready to take my collar, so learning basic etiquette, how to behave around me and in a group, and generally becoming confident in the role and aware of his place. So T had duly provided me with a list and that is now tucked away.

I had met him, of course, before Thursday, and had realised how shy he was. I had not appreciated how shy until Thursday. I had wanted him to come along so that he would be exposed to a crowd but there would be support there in the shape of Peter and Paul. The plan in my mind was to get him totally stripped, handcuffed and immobile for a good half hour to role set and then take it from there. He arrived so late though, 11pm, that I had already written him off, and quietly fuming and reeking of Paul’s stomach contents I was not in the best frame of mind when he did finally pitch up.

I quickly realised as I collared him that I may have to revise my plan. I told him to strip, he hesitated. I told him again, he hesitated again. After this had gone on a while I realised that he simply was incapable of doing it: the conflict in his head between the need to obey and his shyness was too great: he seemed like one of those robots from a 50’s sci-fi that has some sort of logic conflict. So, I told him just to remove his upper half. This was a major struggle in itself and took several repeated orders before he obeyed. At this stage he asked for a blindfold, which I had with me, and I put it on. Then he calmed down a little, and after 5 minutes I removed it: at this point ‘the incident’ happened.

The incident

Now Paul later accused me of overreacting to this, and he was probably right. A hand came from my right and tweaked T’s nipple. I spun round and barked at this bloke, who responded with some personal abuse aimed at me; Very adult behaviour all in all. But I was angry for two reasons. In the first place T had begun to calm down, and Paul, Peter and I were beginning to make progress. I was worried that this would set him back. Secondly, I had always had it drilled into me that you never, ever, interfere with a session. You do not know the parameters of what you are doing. You only join in if requested to do so unless the boi is clearly put there for public gratification, as it were. I would never do that to trainees. So that is why I was annoyed, topped off by the earlier incident.

Victory, of sorts…

After this I got T up and Paul and Peter took him under the balcony for a chat whilst I prowled around looking for this twat. Luckily for both of us I did not find him. I had not realised what a crowd we had drawn, but thinking about it later here was a wet dream come true for many of these guys and no wonder they could not resist. In future, if anyone is reading this, look but don’t touch. So I returned to where T was and, well, he had started to come out of his shock and was far less clingy. He actually has a very pleasing torso and eventually I managed to lead him around the club, with Paul behind, in a stop-start way.

Epilogue

Since Thursday I have had several lumps of feedback. Neither Paul nor Peter are convinced. Now Paul is a total exhibitionist without a shy bone in his body and Peter has been in the scene since Noah was a boy. Still, they both wondered whether my efforts would be worth it and that he was pretty certain to fail unless he allowed his desire to serve overcome his shyness: basically whether he wanted it enough. There were other minor things: forgetting basic etiquette, not being able to look at me, not being able to stand still on command: as Paul said, he learned that when he was two. The last stuff is all correctable and probably a product of intense nervousness.

From other sources I have had mixed responses. One master who was there that night messaged me to ask if I ever had other Masters help play with bois and complimented me as to how good T looked. Dennis, a Master of long standing whose views I respect, was not particularly critical and thought that T had done fairly well for his first time out. But he mentioned today he got a message on Slave 4 Master asking if he had seen ‘that Asian bitch behaving in a silly way’ on Thursday. This may be the same person who ran into T at Vauxhall station that night and told him ‘everyone hated him because of how he behaved’. Not particularly helpful.

I have told T that I expect better things of him. That the next outing will be make or break for him: either he allows his desire to serve dominate or his shyness. If the latter wins out, well, that’s it. I actually want to enjoy myself when I go out and not get too stressed training slaves: if it is a repeat performance of Thursday, or even close to it, he’s off down washout lane. And I will have to be firm with myself: I must not let my desire to give T a second chance potentially blind me to the fact that he may not be able to cut it. Watch this space.

M

SM Gays 18/01/07: A day that will live in infamy

Well, it probably won’t. It wasn’t Pearl Harbour, a Global War was not unleashed and, in the grand scheme of things, it barely signifies in my own life never mind anyone else’s. Nontheless I actually achieved a rare state of mind twice last night: I got angry.

Master Angry #1

I had not got there in a particularly good mood as, like everyone else, the bad weather had mad transport difficult. But I ran into a few old friends, like Dennis, and things looked like they were going to settle down and I awaited the arrival of my trainee. In front of where I was sitting was going to be a bondage demonstration but they seemed short of volunteers. Paul dropped heavy hints that he would enjoy it so I relented. I put him in the care of the SM Gays staff: bondage is not something I would normally lend a boi for unless I was very confident of my ground and the circumstances. But, I reasoned, these guys were supposed to be instructing others so if he wasn’t safe here he would not be safe anywhere.
He was on the X-tree for 10 minutes or so when I noticed some movement and Peter, who was next to me, said ‘he’s in trouble’. I looked and it appeared he was fitting, so I leapt over there like black lightning and helped prop him while the supposed professionals freed him from his bonds. Now with rope bondage if something goes wrong you cut the ropes, and you make sure you are equipped to do so. These guys seemed to panic and had nothing to cut the ropes with: instead the guy in charge of the demonstration assured me several times that he was ok and that ‘he was a nurse’. What I would have preferred at that stage was a guy with a sharp knife as Peter tried to undo his leg knots and I propped him up whilst Paul managed to projectile vomit over both of us (no-one should ever claim he has a weak stomach).
I cannot fault the Hoist for the aftercare, and Paul is very experienced: in that heat it could have happened to anyone. What made me annoyed were the amateurish bunglings and apparent panic when something went wrong. ‘We usually cut the ropes’ said the demonstrator to Dennis when I was out with Paul getting some air. ‘Why didn’t you then?’ was Dennis’ reply. The guy just walked off. Now, I was responsible for Paul and his safety: Masters have a duty of care. I had trusted the SM Gays team and assumed they knew what to do if there was a problem. The trust was misplaced and the assumption was wrong. Paul is, of course, fine. I am the one still beating myself up about it as I take responsibility for slaves very seriously (as those who have read these pages so far will know). I have left it to Peter to pass on my displeasure to SM Gays’ secretary. We will see what happens.

Master Angry #2

Now, in all this farce the trainee had still not pitched up. I had earlier put the chances of him turning up at 50% so I was not surprised and, given what happened later I am so glad he did not see any of it. He did, finally, pitch up at 11.00. Now he was very, very, nervous and I had decided on what for him would be shock tactics in that environment and get him to take his upper half off. This was a major struggle against his shyness, lack of self-confidence and previous experience. It took all of my concentration, effort and personality to get him that far. He actually had just started to unwind when I became aware of the crowd around us. I had been wholly focussed on him, but Peter and Paul had been holding the ring and batting away unwelcome hands. Partially I guess it was the incredible amount of fuss over something outwardly very small that he was making, partially it must have been the titillation of the scene (blindfolded, handcuffed, semi-naked boi, clearly scared…how often does that occur in fantasies?). Then one hand got through.
He had just been beginning to calm down, I had taken off the blindfold, then this happened. Again, unforgivable and whoever did it really should have known better. Given what had happened earlier in the evening I was already on a short fuse and now I could see the effort that myself, Peter, Paul and this lad were putting in being undone. I span at him (he was already walking away) and told him to lay off. He shouted some obscenity back at me. OK. I got the boi up and passed him on to Peter and Paul to talk to and calm him down in a secluded spot and I went on the prowl looking for this malefactor. Now, luckily for both of us I did not find him, he had probably run away by then and left. There would certainly have been raised voices, or rather from me the quiet, calm tones that I tend to adopt when really pissed off.
Now I probably over-reacted, and the earlier incident undoubtedly contributed to this. But I was always of the opinion that you never, ever, interfere with another Master’s slaves without permission, certainly not in a session of any kind and definitely not with a boi that was clearly nervous and finding his feet. I was not a happy man.

Epilogue

That said, I actually enjoy being angry more than I do being bored: I am angry so infrequently that being pissed of twice in the space of 2 hours is almost unheard of. But I take responsibility and the rules I live by seriously and intend to keep at them. I the meantime, well, last night was not what I anticipated, but at least it was not without incident.

M

Responses #1

I am going to a short post today (sighs of relief) as I will be at SM Gays tonight so tomorrow’s post may be correspondingly long. So I am going to comment on a couple of things that have been mentioned to me.

Collars

An experienced slave chatted to me on Gaydar about collars. He was a 24/7 slave and pointed out that he had a stainless steel collar that he could both shower in and wear under his normal clothes. As I am not a 24/7 man this had not really been at the forefront of my mind. But he was a working slave and, as such, the ability to disguise his collar was vital to him. His master had had to replace the integral lock with a water resistant one: the original rusted in the shower. Of course the other option is for a Master to remove the collar before a bath or shower and replace it afterwards, but this is not always possible or convenient.

Etiquette

A much younger, but equally keen, slave suggested that I do a short guide to etiquette. Of course this has its problems as Masters tend to vary etiquette, if they understand it or teach it at all, and so anything I write may possible land a slave in trouble. Nevertheless, I am going to do a bit of research and have a stab at some brief generic guidelines for a slave to use to a Master. As most slaves are untrained in this it may be helpful: in the space of 24 hours I was referred to as boss, m8 and, worryingly from a guy who said he wanted training, slag. There is clearly room for something writing here, so I will try to get to grips ASAP.

M

Modes of Dress

Not quite Mos Bros...

Again, let me start by saying that this is a totally personal view, and should not be considered wholly rigid even to my mind. The best way to look at this is how I do: as guidelines. Nevertheless, like anything else in the way that I view this scene, the way individuals dress is an important factor. For me the key mode of dress is leather, but I will write about camos and rubber as well at a later date. What I am wholly unqualified to talk about are the togs worn by skins: no real experience with that apart from idle thoughts about skins being wonderfully filthy…

Leather

Leather has been the traditional mode of dress for decades. The apocryphal story is that this grew out of returning US servicemen using leather flying jackets as part of motorcycle gear just after the war. This has morphed over the years into a dizzying variety of leather gear available from a host of commercial outlets. I like slaves to look like slaves and Masters to look like Masters. This is pretty much a forlorn hope in many ways but so are many ideas that you’ll find on these pages, but nevertheless it’s what I believe.

For a slave there are two crucial items that cannot really be dispensed with. The first is a collar and lead. Now a collar in my view is a very personal thing to a slave. After they have graduated from my red training collar they are asked to choose their own collar. In a small but symbolic ceremony this collar is presented by the slave at their next session to symbolise their full slavery and membership of my stable. This collar they keep, although I put it on and remove it at the beginning of each session. A collar should also have a padlock. This too is symbolic of ownership and widely recognised. A locked padlock on a collar is universally accepted as a sign that the slave is owned. It is not unknown for slaves in clubs to have open padlocks to symbolise a desire for ownership. At the other end of things is the need for a good pair of boots. This is not necessary in the home environment but in clubs it is a necessity. Military surplus boots are widely available and easy to come by.

In the middle bits a slave will, of course, wear what his Master instructs, or nothing at all if so ordered. In my view a slave should wear something fairly skimpy, dependent on season, and a more experienced slave should wear more than a newbie or trainee: a sign of his status. There is a hierarchy of legwear, believe it or not, dating back again to the 50’s and the motorbike culture: Denim Jeans-Jeans and Chaps-Leather Jeans. These would differentiate how ‘serious’ you were about the scene. I have translated this to insist that, in his dress, no slave should outrank his Master. Of course there are full body harnesses, upper body harnesses, shorts, jocks and leather thongs: all are options for a slave and this list is far from complete.

For a Master it is usually a much more expensive game. The boots are a necessity again, for your boi to clean (with polish, wax or tongue) and you to wear. These can be surplus army wear again, but also longer boots, motorcycle boots; a more dizzying array. For me, with my thick calves, only the army boots are possible until I spend money on having something more serious made. Maybe I will get round to that this year…Otherwise Masters should be far less exposed in general than their slaves. Unless you are interested in the full body harness (never captivated me as a great garment to wear, but nice to look at) your lower half should be covered: ideally with Leather chaps or Leather jeans. The spiked leather jock can look very effective with the chaps and can leave your ass exposed for kissing, rimming and so on. Personally I prefer my leather jeans. Sexual contact with slaves is a reward, so I prefer the maximum in the way of keeping them in suspense.

For the upper half you could pick just about anything: leather waistcoat, upper body harness, leather shirt. I have the former and the latter. I am also of the opinion that gloves are important for a Master. But my main recommendation is that you should be comfortable. You can make your slaves as uncomfortable as you like, but you should never submit to such an indignity as a Master. For you to be comfortable, and your slave to be uncomfortable, or for you to be well-covered and your boi to be semi-naked, only reinforces the power relationship. It is a visible reminder of your respective status and a clear illustration to those around you of where Power sits.

M

The Other Stuff

Vanilla? No thanks…

In my description I said that I am not only interested in the Master/Slave scene. This is very true. For a start I have a nice, cosy vanilla relationship with my partner Dror. We have been together over 3 years and have a pretty healthy sex life and fun relationship. The fact that, after 3 or more years I still find him as sexually exciting as I did when I first met him is a good sign. But I like other things too, so rather than have some unwilling or disinterested participant (Dror) I play outside the relationship. This is with his full knowledge. Only if things ever became an emotional threat to the relationship would he get anxious, and I am determined not to let that happen. So, what else am I into, besides him (regularly) ans the Master/Slave scene?

My heart belongs to Daddy

Well, I am a natural Daddy. In fact it comes to me in a scarily natural way. Of course I have other interests: ethnic guys, skins, scallies and even a bit of muscle (though not too much) turn me on, but the whole Daddy/Son thing is the only scene close to rivalling Master/Slave for my interest.

There are some clear similarities: it is a dominant/submissive power relationship, with some CP and some control, but the authority of the Daddy often stems from age and experience rather than natural dominance or force of personality. Of course it is sometimes the case that Sons are older than Daddies, CP may figure in ways more than the occasional spanking, there are many routes to this scene, as there are to Master/Slave. I guess the difference is the ability to show affection. For me there is no place for affection in a Master/Slave scene (although it can happen, and can be good and bad), but in a Daddy/Son scene it is obligatory.

Now, quite recently, I was talking to one lad in the flat about his desires and ambitions in life and he said to me after a while: “You are getting off on this, aren’t you?”. The answer, of course, was yes. The paternalistic way (some would say patronising) that I guided him through his fears, thoughts and desires was great fun to me. That is why, although I generally steer clear of cyber, I will on occasion cyber Daddy/Son: but only with the right boy.

M

Approach

Personal Philosophy part three

OK, this is the last bit (promise). I have had a couple of personal comments so far, from Masters and slaves, saying that it is nice to see all of this written down, much of it chiming with their own thoughts and desires. There are guys out there who want a more structured, and one might say balanced, way to work in this scene, so if this contributes to those thoughts all the better.

A structured hierarchy
I am a firm believer in a structured hierarchy, in a sense that where it affects me I take a very deep interest, and where it does not it can be amusing to watch one develop. The old leather scene in the US grew out of returning servicemen of WW2 and hierarchy was very strict and important. These days much of this seems to have gone by the board and it is almost impossible to discern who is who and what is what on the scene any more. Personally I insist that my slaves look like slaves. They are all issued by me with a collar in a simple but binding ceremony. Once it is accepted then whenever that collar is worn that person is my boi. When I remove the collar the magic is broken. In this way there is a clear boundary between one lifestyle and another. As I am not a 24/7 Master and owner this boundary is terribly important in order to clarify when and where obedience is to be expected and service rendered.

At the top of the hierarchy is, of course, the Master and his word is law. It is actually a very simple power relationship. Beneath him is his slave whose role is that of service and obedience to the Master. In this sense then it is a fairly straightforward relationship, but there can quite easily be added complications. The first is additional slaves. The Master may decide to appoint one of them his Alpha slave (see below) or may just allow them to serve him without formal intervention. An informal hierarchy may form beneath the Master which can be amusing to watch as they compete for attention. This, in my view, should be encouraged as slaves need goals and ambitions, and the ambition to be noticed by the Master, possibly singled out for special favour, should be high on the agenda in any group play.

The Master may decide to single out a slave and make him the Alpha slave. This may be a temporary appointment for a single session, or a long-term appointment. In a single session I often find it interesting to make slaves compete for the role of Alpha, as such a post signifies preferment by the Master. If the appointment is long term then the decision has to be more serious, the Alpha being the NCO to the Master’s officer.

Another complication is that of other Masters and other Slaves at social gatherings. Other Masters should be treated with respect and deference, but orders should not be accepted from them without permission from the Slave’s own Master. This provides a safety valve for the slave and returns us to the Responsibility rule that should always be in a Master’s head. It goes without saying that Masters should behave with respect towards another Master’s property. Among Masters there should be a pares inter pares relationship and you should never, ever, interfere with a Master and his slaves unless requested to do so by him.

Between slaves, well, this can lead to all sorts of problems and needs to be watched. I insist on dignity and responsible behaviour at all times: no slave associated with me is going to go around disporting themselves in a manner putting me, his Alpha or his stable into disrepute. The Alpha in particular, where there is one, has to watch this and lead by example.

Punishments and Discipline
Although they sound similar the two are, in my book, radically different. A punishment is meted out to a slave for some infraction or other. It may be relatively minor (no more fags for you, boi) to pretty major. In the both cases it may be physical pain (from short spanking to lash, tawse, cane) or it may be mental, the most damaging being ignoring the slave for a set amount of time only known to the Master. But these are generally transient episodes based on infringement of pre-set rules.

Discipline is long term and has nothing to do with infringements of rules. Rather it is to do with the imposition of rules and the acceptance of them in a role setting environment. Sometimes they may be transitory in order to get the slave into a certain mindset: being tied up for an hour often has a wonderful and salutary effect upon how a slave begins to appreciate his place in the world. In other cases they are regulatory, rationing cigarettes, alcohol or trips to the lavatory. Etiquette helps too, making sure that a slave addresses you correctly or walks in the right place, correcting his mistakes either through words or punishments, until they begin to do things automatically and without thinking. At West Point cadets used to have to walk at right angles to walls, never diagonally, and similar approaches to discipline can often work on a slave.

What is it all for?
The simple answer is happiness rather than pleasure. If you want pleasure have a blow job, or get fucked by a big leather top. It is nothing to do with a Master/slave scene except as an erotic fantasy. A true slave derives happiness from his role, that of providing service to his Master and being useful to him, responding to every request with unthinking obedience and reveling in it. For a Master having a boi at your beck and call sounds cool, but it can be a struggle fighting against your natural desire for independence: remember everything you do for yourself that could be equally well done by the boi robs him of an opportunity to serve. This awareness is useful and necessary.

For a Master the rewards seem more immediate, but can also be more subtle, a desire to be served should not be confused with a desire to dominate. A Master is, of course, dominant, but that is not the end of his role: he is not enforcing service through his dominance, service is given willingly. He must take pleasure in power, its exercise and restraint, and the desire to be served: that is his happiness.

M

Approach

Personal Philosophy part two

Yesterday I outlined the twin pillars of Power and Responsibility and my views on scene etiquette. I must stress that this is the way that I operate, it is not some attempt to lay down the law. There are lots of things to disagree with, some more open to criticism than others. Anyhow, read on and please comment.

Sexual, not sex

This scene is not about sex, but about the environment being sexual. A Master/slave scene is not a form of extended foreplay leading up to rough sex as its climax. This is about power, service and voluntary submission in a sexual environment. Sex is a tool within this environment but is not the end result. For a slave, to be fucked by his master should be one of the ultimate forms of pleasure: he is pleasing his Master by providing sexual gratification, attention from the Master is directed solely at him. He may be equally delighted by the opportunity to give his Master a blow job, or rim him, or even suck a nipple. This sexual contact is part of a rewards-based structure but the ultimate aim of any slave is to be of service, not to have sex.


Useful, not used

Many guys who fancy themselves as Masters say that they want to ‘use’ a boi, and there are plenty of bois out there wanting to be used, but this is not how I operate. I want a boi to be useful, and that should be his goal. The whole concept of using and wanting to be used has no place in my philosophy. By using a boi all you are doing is indulging him in his vices and providing neither training, structure or discipline. You are certainly not inculcating a desire to be of service. Bois wanting to be used usually want some fantasy rough sex with a guy in leather, but it is usually a desire to have something that they like: Fine. But being useful is not about doing things that you like and not doing things that you don’t like: it is about a desire to serve. As soon as you accept a collar obedience should be unquestioning, no debate or mewling about things. A good Master will never, ever ask you to do anything dangerous or potentially life-threatening (for reasons already given) and any discussion about limits should have taken place before accepting service. In these circumstances a good slave should be willing to be useful to his Master in all circumstances and enjoy every minute of it.


Enjoyment of service

For a slave this should be the final goal, a simple unparalleled joy in the honour and respect accorded to a good slave by his Master. In return a Master should enjoy being served and the nature of the service on offer. This is not to say that service should be demanding and obsequious, rather it should be quiet, contientious and anticipatory. This could be anything, from bringing his Master a coffee and the paper, to cleaning his leather gear, to sucking his cock. It is all service, and should all be equally enjoyable because of it.

The behaviour of a Master and Slave

I had considered writing an involved explanation of this, then I found this excellent paragraph in a piece by David Stein, one I will repeat verbatim:

“The best Masters, in my experience, act pretty much the same all the time. They don't pretend to be what they're not, and they approach everyone with a courtesy rooted in self-confidence. They laugh or smile more often than they bark orders. A "Master" who tries to bolster his own self-importance by treating everyone like a doormat is bad news; it's the same for slaves. The ones who fawn over the hottest-looking Masters and treat everyone else like dirt only want to serve their own libidos. Be respectful to everyone and deferential to those who outrank you, by role or experience, but not obtrusively servile or obsequious -- that gets annoying real fast. A helpful, willing attitude, genuine humility rather than low self-esteem, and a sense of humor go a long way.”

For me this sums things up in a nutshell. I have no desire to inflict acts of random violence, or strut around giving it the big ‘I am’. Equally I am deplored by slaves who, for want of a better phrase, are only in it for what they get out of it. My attitude to both of these sorts of people, and there are plenty out there, is to avoid them like the plague.


Part three later in the week.

M

Bad Education

A Meeting

As I said yesterday, I had a meeting last night with a possible trainee. I guess before I talk about what happened it might be worth describing how I deal with prospective trainees. This certainly applies to those that start the process on the internet, which has been the vast majority in my experience, and so I will just deal with that.

Most guys who approach you on the internet are either total nutters or just after a shag. After several years dealing with this a few sentences in and you know where the conversation is heading, and if it is heading in a place I don’t want to go I bail out quick. But, occasionally, you get to talk to bois who are actually worth spending some time on and who are interested in the lifestyle. So the first step is a good chat online. Now this usually flushes out whether the two of you are compatible when it comes to ideas and approach. Often you are not, but can become friends: whatever floats people’s boat is their business and who am I to judge? The fact that their approach does not chime with mine is no-ones fault, and it would be rather boring if we all had the same kinks. If I am particularly concerned or unsure about the person, I will ask a friend like Peter or Paul to talk to them.

But, if things work out fine then it is time for a social meet, on neutral ground, to get to know each other. Very rarely do I meet someone for sex in this scene straight from the web. The building of trust and a basic rapport is very important. It also sorts out whether they were cyber-wankers or ghosts or actually real people. This stage can be a frustrating one, people may not turn up or be totally different from their online persona.

If this works out then the training can begin. Some can be done online, like basic etiquette, but this is only a very small amount. Instead I like to get them over to the flat (when I can) or the Hoist, or Playpit or somewhere in order to begin training. At the end of a training session, where a training collar (red) is worn, the boi can walk away from things and there is no obligation. However, if a boi passes training and is presented by me with a trained (black) collar then things are different. The boi is now a collared slave.

Last Night

Now all this is a rather long-winded background to last night when I met a guy on neutral ground for coffee. One of the things he had said online was ‘I really have never heard anything like this before.’ Indeed. He had been with a self-styled Master before. I say this because what he did actually makes me rather cross. He had, in effect, tried to convince this guy that he was totally worthless and had no value as a human being. He had displayed no sense of Responsibility towards him and had, in the end, dumped him for lads he found more attractive. It had put him off the whole Master/Slave notion and, being Asian, he had felt that this was a cultural issue and had vowed not to go with a White Master any more.

What took him aback was my well-worn but valid comment: what is the point of owning anything that is worthless? Indeed this guy had eventually rebelled against this idea (good on him) and had tried to assert himself in the wider world after this idiot had tried to break him down. Now I am not in the business of making people feel worthless: a slave is a valuable asset. Indeed a Master without a slave is powerless as he has no means of exercising power. So, after a meeting of around 90 minutes I had satisfied myself that here was a guy that was at least worth giving a trial. Equally I am convinced that here is a guy that deserves, indeed demands, a better crack of the whip (no pun intended) than he had the first time around. So, Hoist on Thursday (if he has the courage) and we shall take things from there. Keep you all posted.

M

Approach

Personal Philosophy part one

I had thought that the best way to approach my newly-rediscovered interest in this scene was to write it all down. Academic by nature and inclination I like to get my ideas down on paper. What came out was a fairly long document, far too long for one post, so I have cut it up into its and I will post over the next few days.

(Also, as an aside, I am supposed to meet a possible trainee this evening, so there may be a second post today or I’ll write about that tomorrow.)

Power

This is a scene about power - sexual gratification, its exercise and surrender, and the pleasure that this creates; not the physical side of things as far as the Master is concerned. The slave may, of course, garner some physical enjoyment from some physical sensations and may gain pain from others, but this only mirrors the psychological state where pleasure is derived from service and pain is derived from the inability to serve. For the Master the ability to wield such power over his slave(s) should be the ultimate form of gratification rather than the physical manifestations on the way. Power is a relationship and cannot be exercised by a single person alone, so a relationship between Master and slave is a symbiotic one.

Responsibility

With Power comes Responsibility. This is a cliché but in this scene it is real and important. Once a slave has surrendered his Power to a Master the Master is obligated to the slave in return. The slave becomes his property, in the shape of a prized possession, and as such should be valued. Only a moron permanently damages his property and that should be true of and Master with his slave. This equally applies in social environments. A slave is potentially vulnerable and the Master is responsible for making sure that in any circumstance the slave is not being asked to do anything that breaks pre-arranged limits.

Etiquette

A slave is expected to obey the usual forms of etiquette with his Master, in some cases they are modified by individuals to suit desires and circumstances. In my approach only a slave obligated to me is expected to refer to me as ‘Sir’ at all times. This should be at the beginning or end of every sentence and at every pause for breath. Slaves that are not obligated to me are expected to be deferential and respectful if they are in a slave role and may call me ‘Sir’ if they so wish. For my own slaves before other Masters I expect the same rules to apply. I do not expect slaves to carry themselves or behave in a way towards other Masters or myself in a way that is not deferential. Neither should they behave towards fellow slaves with an attitude of over familiarity or publicly embarrass their Master or bring him or his stable into disrepute.

Part two later this week…

M

First steps

To begin with a little background.

My name is John and I have been in retirement from the scene, for want of a better word, for 4 years. I have never been in a 24/7 relationship, and have never wanted one. Personally I know that I am incapable of sustaining such an emotionally demanding role beyond 24 hours, or possibly a weekend, with boi or bois. The reasons are numerous but not really pertinent to the debate in hand, the only comment that needs to be made at this point is that the more inexperienced and often demanding the slave is, the more mental pressure a master faces to keep them ‘amused’. In consequence it is not really attractive for me to face such a situation. Guys often approach you asking you to ‘do things’ to them, but only the things they like, and this is, in my rather old-fashioned view, hopelessly wrong.

This has meant that I was considered a very ‘picky’ individual, did not show any interest in 24/7 requests and was interested in other scenes as well: I had no expectation of buying a sling and decorating a room with stone-effect wallpaper. Also it was something I could survive without, and have done for 4 years. I was disappointed by the lack of serious commitment on the part of slaves who seemed to act in ways akin to other passives: lie back and think of England and enjoy themselves whilst I did all the work. This was not what I wanted.

Slavery is, and should be, enjoyable in itself. The slaves sole fount of enjoyment should be to provide pleasure to their Master. Once a collar is accepted obedience should be unquestioning. In return the Master accepts the responsibility that ownership brings: the slave is your property and should be looked after in the same way. In fact responsibility should, forms of English aside, start with a capital R, so important is the concept in my world.

The other important concept is that of power. Power is a relationship, as any student of international affairs will tell you, and its exercise can be subtle as well as brutal. The slave accepts their power over you, with the possibility of bratting to act as a test on your ability to enforce it, as without their willing acceptance of their place in the world your role as a master is meaningless. If you have any doubt about this, read Uncle Tom’s cabin.

Armed with these two basic concepts my approach to the scene has generally been a combination of horror, disappointment and amusement. Pretention has no place in my world but it seems to be rife in the UK scene: lots of people milling about in an atomised manner lacking awareness or having vague ideas bout some dominant guy taking control over them to do things they enjoy. There seems to be no real understanding of Responsibility by many self-styled Masters or no appreciation of the concept of power. In the shape of the-boi I have discovered at least one person who has thought deeply about the lifestyle and has come to conclusions with which I am in broad agreement. Or first outing to the Hoist, after chatting and beginning to understand our approaches, was as refreshing as it was enjoyable. It has reconfirmed my enjoyment of this scene but only if the circumstances are right. In consequence I am coming out of self-imposed exile to see if there is any hope of developing my ideas and interests whilst having fun on the way.

J